Mythology (Baliwan Edition)

Hades the Hostage Taker

We know Hades as the Badass god right?

Badass and often portrayed as supah nakakatakot, nakakaintimidate, puro kabulastugan, umaapaw ang pagka-Villian at pag may nangyaring masama eh sya ang ituturo.

"Wait! Bakit ako nanaman?!"  laging linya nya.

But hey mga kapwa ko Mortals, di nyo ba naisip na baka misunderstood lang sya?

Imaginin nyo na lang, kung ikaw ba naman ilalagay sa ilalim ng lupa at gawing hari ng crypt keeper at kampon ng walking dead, di ka ba magiging bitter?

Kung titignan nyo din, actually Hades is cool. Ruling like a Goth King in the land of the dead?! Astig right?!

So in short, we think of his personality as Grim cause he rules the Grim Kingdom. Anyhow, the word grim is dreadful to hear. Bakit di natin ibahin? Something like uhhh.. Emo?

Ayun! Sabihin nating isa lamang syang Emo na nilalang. Na-Emo sa buhay dahil laging kulelat.

Oo. Kulelat. Di manalo manalo sa sibling rivalry. Sa madaling salita, walang binatbat kela Zeus at Poseidon.

Gayunpaman, kahit emo may karapatan namang mainlove hindi ba?

So mga pre, dun pumapasok ang crush. Yes. Crush turning into obsession tapos pag na-obssess ka, iistalk mo tapos rape.....

Joke!!

I mean Crush turning to Admiration then love. Naks. Pure love ba ito?! Haha!

In any case, since torpe si Hades, nakuntento na lang sya sa nakaw tingin.

Yes. For years, masaya na syang nag-hahand job sa sarili nya habang nakadungaw sa crush......

Joke ulit!!

I mean. Masaya syang nanonood na lamang sa crush nya.

At sino ang mahiwagang crush?

Oy di ako.

Ang pangalan nya ay Persephone.

Oh para madagdagan ko naman ang kaalaman nyo at di nyo sabihing puro kalokohan ang nilalagay ko, Persephone is the goddess of Spring. Naks pangalan pa lang maaliwalas na.

Tsk. Tsk. Very contradict kay Hades na hari ng pagka-emo-- I mean kadiliman.

Persephone's mother is named Demeter. Demeter is the godess of corn, grain, and harvest.

Oh anong iniisip nyo? Dyosa ng mais, bigas at pag-anni?

Medyo joke pakinggan pero napakaimportante ni Demeter. Isipin nyo na lang kung wala sya, anong kakainin natin? Kahit mga vegetarian, dedbols. Oh san ka pa? Ganyan sya ka-importante.

So one day, isang araw, nakatanaw nanaman si Hades kay Crush.

He was like:

"Will you look at that! Shit! Ang hot talaga ng crush ko! Pasayaw sayaw na lang sa hardin! Talo pa si Maria ng Sound of Music! Doe, a deer, a female dee, Ray, a drop of golden sun, Me, a name I call myself Far, a long long way to run~~"

As he was watching, Hades took out his thing and started to do you know what.

Joke again!!

I mean as he was watching, his heart had this urge to capture Persephone and make her his.

Oo. Sa tagalog kidnapin. So mula sa Underworld, umakyat sya sa lupa para damputin si Persephone.