Virginator (HERO FIENNES-TIFFIN)

Chapter 1

"Hey there, Delilah
What's it like in New York city?
I'm a thousand miles away
But, girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes, you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear, it's true"...

(Hey There Delilah lyrics by T Pain)
...

Delilah, the worst possible name anyone could name their daughters. The bible depicts her as a temptress, causing the destruction of Samson when she cut his hair, the source of his strength. It's been retold a billion times and i bet more and more are learning about it as i speak.

It's been years of hating it and i don't know why i kept it. God knows I've thought of changing the name many many times. Especially when someone calls me and other people hear it, i always get the chuckle, the hidden message telling me what a weird name i have, a name that's been cursed and hated for millenia since the Bible spoke of her ugly fate.

I'll get it changed someday. What would my name be? I'm thinking of Jo or Zyra. Will it suit me? Do i look like a  Jo? What does it even mean to be a Delilah in this world?

Life is harsh in this season in New York. The weather is so cold i wish i were somewhere else like the Philippines, where i heard it's just rainy season and sunshine.

Growing up from a small farm, finding my way out through a dance scholarship at a prestigious ballet academy, only to end up dancing in clubs, it's a hard life. A ballet stripper is unheard of, that's my job. I'm proud of myself being one especially when i think of being alone in that category. Last night is just another job. A need to get by and survive. Stripping pays so much more, and i got tired of the bars, the broken toes. I crave for a different kind of bar. But i love ballet, the discipline it taught me, the need for control and the repetition to perfect a single movement. I dedicated a good 15 years to ballet. My parents strived to put me into training. It's the only thing i know. I suck at academics but dancing is something i can only do so well, it is my ticket out of a miserable life. My parents were poor, but our lives are peaceful. Seasons come and go, and we did the same exact routine until they're gone. Thinking about them makes me sad a little. Am i missing them? I don't know what to feel when they were cold and unresponsive.

Enough thoughts about my dead parents. I have a job to attend to tonight.

What happened to the promising ballerina? She became the blackest of swans. Exiled by the entire profession for disrespecting the craft, i was told I'll never be allowed to perform any acts involving the skill I've built for myself since i learned to tip toe and walk. Probably they said it to discourage me from wasting my life away into stripping. It's my life, my rules. Nothing can ever make me change my mind when i change it. Nothing and no one.

Here i am, simply breathing, going on with life, no plans for the future since i lost everyone close to me, and found no one else to live for, but myself.

Great! My mind betrays. Trying to awaken me from a bad thought, and i don't know where I'm going with this reverie. Ever since i can remember, all i have to talk to is myself. Built too many characters in my head, they became a handful to handle. They're enough entertainment, apart from my ballet life, my thoughts are my only company as the hours tick.

I walk on the pavement that was touched by moisture, alone in this time of day. It's weird, like someone stopped people from walking past or along to let me walk alone. Finding solace in my own person, amidst tall buildings, being a tiny speck in this overpopulated city, surviving each day, not knowing what tomorrow brings, that's the only motivation.
Walking past an overrated coffeeshop, i went in for tea. Always loving the youthberry flavor, especially when i add milk chocolate on it, the taste is heaven. There is smoothness that calm the people in my brain. I have too many talking within that i become oblivious of the people around me. I thought i was alone, only to be awaken and see people rushing by, past and with me. I'm going insane, shrugged the thought and kept walking.