the chiefs mate

Chapter 14

I had never felt such despair and sadness in my life. It felt as though everything was ripped away from me. After finding out that I had a miscarriage I had fallen into a deep state of depression. Although I didn't know I was pregnant it was still as bad. I would have loved to have had a child with Charlie. It would have been amazing. And to know that we lost that child broke my heart. It broke Charlie's heart as well but I think that he saw how much it affected me and he focused on me. I didn't speak to anyone. For quite a while actually. Although I was in this frame of mind, I managed to keep my powers going for Rosalie and Emmett. I didn't want anything like this to happen to them. I had been sat in the top room of the house, sat in the same chair, staring out of the window for every single hour of every day. 

Plenty of people had been coming in to see me, to see if they could be the one to get me to move, to go hunting. The first to come and see me was Charlie. He had pulled me onto his lap and wrapped a blanket around us both. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered encouraging things to me. He was everything to me. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone though. I was scared that I would lose control over my powers if I didn't concentrate enough. 

Carlisle had found out that the reason for me having the miscarriage was that the stress and the pressure of making this go right for Rosalie and Emmett had gotten to me. I was neglecting my own needs whilst trying to help them. I desperately wanted this to go right for them. Even more so now that I had lost my own child. 

It had been at least 2 weeks since it happened, I wasn't sure though as I hadn't been keeping track properly. I had stayed in the same place the whole time. The same chair in the same room, just looking out of the window. I could see that my state of depression was killing Charlie. I couldn't bear to see him hurt anymore, I slowly got up, stretching my legs out after having been sat in such a funny position for so long. I looked around, feeling as though I had been in a deep sleep for ages. I slowly made my way out of the room. I couldn't hear anyone. I didn't know where anyone was. 

I made my way down the stairs and looked around the large open plan living room. Sat on the sofa was Charlie. He was watching some football game. He heard me walking down the stairs and turned to look at me. The surprise in his eyes was clear to me and he quickly rushed over to me. He stopped just before me though, almost looking at me for permission to touch me. I didn't answer. I just brought him towards me. I missed him so much. I kissed him with desperation. My emotions were all coming out after being locked up for so long. I could feel everything now. I had been numb only half an hour before. Numb to my emotions, numb to feeling anything. I didn't want to feel anything but I noticed now that I couldn't escape my emotions. With help from the people around me I knew that I would recover.

                                                                                                      *

I was still somewhat in my human state. I had all of the attributes of a vampire but I was still crying and sleeping. I figured it was just my body trying to recover and that eventually I would be fully a vampire again. When everybody else had come back home, they found me curled up on Charlie's lap, in an almost sleep like state whilst he was whispering encouraging things in there. The odd joke slipping its way into the conversation making me tiredly giggle. I knew there was people there with us, I just wasn't sure I could handle it. 

I turned to look at the entrance of the room to find nearly everybody looking at me. Some looked relieved, some looked extremely happy and some looked almost worried. I noticed that it was Edward and Jasper who looked the most worried. I wanted to use my powers to see what they were thinking but I was too weak, instead I stood up and walked over towards them.

I specifically went to Edward and Jasper who stood together, looking at each other. I knew Jasper could feel the waves of worry rolling off of me and I could also feel that he was using his power to make me feel more calm and at ease. I didn't like it.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I felt someone put their hands on my shoulders. I turned to see Charlie and I instantly leaned back more into his touch. I leaned my back into his chest and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I knew that everybody around me knew something I didn't and it was scaring me. 

Before anyone could explain, I heard the faint cry of a baby. I completely froze. I could feel Charlie trying to soothe me by drawing soothing patterns with his fingers on my arms. I pushed his arms gently from around me and walked out of the room. Edward tried to stop me by blocking my path but I looked up at his eyes and he instantly let me past. He could see that I didn't mean harm, that I just wanted to go and see that everything was okay. I walked out of the front door of the house to meet Rosalie and Emmett walking towards the house. The tears streaming down my face didn't stop. I just had to see that everything was okay. Rosalie walked towards me with a bundle in her arms.

She stopped right in front of me and started to pass me the bundle. My instincts kicked in and I held my arms out to cradle the bundle. I gave myself a couple of seconds just to prepare myself. I looked down to see a new born baby. It's eyes were wide open. It was a girl, I knew that much from the pink clothes she was wearing and the pink blankets wrapped around her. Her eyes were a beautiful colour of green and were staring straight up at me. 

I looked up at Rosalie and Emmett, who were watching me, whilst holding each other with smiles on their faces. "What's her name?" I asked.

They both looked at each other and smiled. Rosalie spoke up. "Her name is Lia."