Dear B,
I'm writing today's letter a little earlier than I normally do, but today, I seem to be okay. This morning my mom gave me my phone back, and I was able to talk to you almost all day, and I began to feel okay again. Maybe I was being dramatic the past couple of days, but I really did feel as if everything was falling apart.
I began to think about something really interesting today. Our generation is too obsessed with technology, and that is why I felt like a part of me was missing when I didn't have my phone. My parents lived their young lives without a direct line to their friends whenever they needed them, so why can't we seem to go five minutes without being on our phones? It is utterly ridiculous, but it is also the society in which we are living.
Before I had my phone back, I also had time to do a lot of thinking about my future. And I realized the future is very scary. The biggest reason I am afraid of my future is because I am afraid of the unknown. What will happen? I don't know. And that is the worst possible thing for me to be right now, to fear what my future will being. I'm trying to focus on the now. I am looking for a job, I am registering for my classes, and I am trying to remain calm, even though that is really hard.
The one thing that is keeping my grounded right now is my friends, especially you. I know you probably don't think you help me because I don't tell you a lot of my problems, but you do help me just by being here. I have this fear in the back of my mind that I have a mental problem, like anxiety, but I am far too afraid to say anything to anyone about it, even you. Lately, I've been having a lot of panic attacks and mental breakdowns at night, and I often blame it on how dramatic I am, but I am really hiding the fact that maybe I do need to be on medication to help with the copious amount of stress that I am under.
One person I have recently realized that I wholeheartedly admire is C. She used to put so much stress on herself to be better and to get the best grades, but this year, she let go, she's not at the top of her class anymore, and she has so much fun and joy in her life. I want that right now very badly, but I am going to keep hope that the future is going to be better.
With today being a better day, I don't have much to say to you. I spent the entire day in somewhat of a haze, and it feels like now I am being woken up. Maybe I'll go back to sleep in a while, but for now, I am feeling great. I really hope I can see you again soon. Hopefully tonight.
Until tomorrow love,
Je t'aime
