Evolutionary

XIII. New

It's been three weeks since I escaped Him. My bruises are merely an echo on my skin, the cuts have healed, and I haven't left Oliver's side. Everyday Xander comes over and we plan our murder. My stomach ties itself in knots every time I think of Him, but the pain his name brings only stitches my hate together stronger. I stare at the newly purchased white board pinned against Oliver's bedroom wall and repeatedly clench and unclench my fists. The black marker lines blur together, making it incomprehensible. Oliver's hand glides across my lower back and sends a shiver down my spine. 

"Honey, you've been staring at that board for over an hour now. I think it's time we retire for a little bit," he breathes into my ear. 

I shake my head. The more time I spend planning, the more smoothly my mission will lay itself out for me. The more time I plan, the sooner I get to kill Him. Oliver grabs my hand and leads me to the end of the bed where he makes me sit. He faces me, his sea green irises searching my face. 

"I know this is what you want, but you need fresh eyes. Staring doesn't bring new ideas," he says. "What we can do is work on your abilities." He lays me down beside him and we gaze into each others eyes. "I'm not sad that I can't read your thoughts anymore. It just makes figuring you out that much more special," he speaks, his lips tugging into a smile. 

I want to be able to love him. I want to touch him. I want to kiss him. I want him to make me his, but I just can't without thinking of Connor. He stole so much of me that I barely have anything left to give. He reached into the very depths of me and ripped out my soul, piercing my heart in the process. I feel like a deflated balloon, no hope to pump me full of life. I turn away from Oliver, lying on my side. The wall stares back at me, laughing. I'm so pathetic. 

"Oliver," I speak his name into the room. "There's no way to practice my powers on you without manipulating you. I don't want to do that to you ever again. I hate the abilities I have, it's hard to use them for good."

He slowly wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me towards him. He keeps a few inches between us, respecting my boundaries. "Honey, it's not manipulating if I ask you to do it. You need to become stronger in order to get past whatever he used to block your ability. We don't even know how he did it."

I turned to face him. "I think he used a bracelet. I don't know for sure, but I remember seeing it when he... undressed." I breathe a shaky sigh and close my eyes. "If it's removed, I'm sure no matter how strong I am, I can beat his ass without even touching him."

I sit up, looking ahead of me and demand him. "Stand up."

He does so almost immediately, his eyes glazing over. He faces me, appearing like a man in the military. "Hit me," I say through gritted teeth. He strains against himself, his eyes becoming less and less foggy. He grunts, frustration taking over and the muscles on his arm spasm. His fist clenches and he swings, stopping just before it meets the skin on my cheek. 

"No, Cassie!" He screams, ripping out of the spell I put him under. "How could you make me do that? Are you insane? I would never willingly hurt you! Do not ever do that again!" Anger flashes across his eyes, steam practically flowing out of his ears. My eyes prick with tears, but I quickly wipe them. I swallow, turning away from him and walking out into the living room, where I curl onto the couch, forcing back tears. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hear his footsteps first before he says, "Cass, I don't know why you did that, but I'm not angry at you. I know you're completely messed up from this experience and I wish I knew, I wish I knew how to fix it all and make it go away. I would do anything to make you not hurt anymore. I... I think I love you. And I hate not knowing how to make this better." He sighs, sitting on the floor next to the sofa. He grabs my hand, lightly rubbing the back of it with his thumb. I stare into his ocean eyes and the stone of hatred rolling around in my belly shrinks slightly. I know if I allow him to love me, eventually that stone will be a small pebble, his kind words and soft touches chiseling away at it day by day will mend my heart. But I don't know if I'm capable of love anymore. And I don't want to lead him on to think I'm someone he could possibly have a life with.