"Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer."
~Ellen DeGeneres
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm surrounded by a dozen moms in yoga pants as we crowd around the sidelines on the soccer field.
Minivans are the backdrop.
Eloise is playing in right field, wearing a sporty golden jersey with the number 14 on it.
In left field is Carter Joseph, the punk who beat up Jemma. It's up to Eloise to avenge her sister.
Kristen is five yoga pants away from me.
Our eyes meet and we glower at each other.
"Go Carter!" she shouts.
"Come on, Eloise!" I yell, even louder.
"You know you're supposed to cheer for the team, not just your kid, right?" the mom next to me asks.
"Yeah, and did you know Copenhagen is the capital of Denmark?" I snap, cheering when Eloise takes the ball and starts running across the field.
"Take it, Carter!" Kristen shouts, and somehow she still sounds nice when she says it.
"Pass it, Eloise!" I instruct.
Eloise glances up at me and kicks the ball across the field to her teammate on the other side.
"Get it, honey!" Kristen claps like she's cheering him on, but I know she's secretly wanting Carter to destroy Eloise.
I cross my arms nervously when Carter races across the bright green grass like an athletic elven warrior.
Just as Eloise reclaims the ball from her teammate and goes to kick it into the goal, Carter does some fancy footwork and elbows Eloise out of the way.
She falls to her knees and winces.
"Interference!" I yell, then grind my teeth. Screw politeness. "Kick him into next Saturday, Eloise! Pound his stupid little rat face into the ground!"
The moms around me gasp, but I glance at them and shrug.
"Keep going!" Kristen has a huge smile that reaches from ear to ear like the Cheshire cat.
"Eloise! Go, go, go!"
Eloise pumps her arms as hard as she can, racing across the field with everything she has.
I'm leaning over the rope that separates us from going onto the field, cheering my head off as Eloise gets closer to Carter.
Just as Carter hauls his leg back to make the goal, Eloise slides underneath him.
He trips backward, but his left foot still catches the ball and sends it flying the opposite way.
It's like it all happens in slow motion after that.
The moms and I watch, mouths agape, as Carter falls on top of Eloise, and the ball sails through the sky right into the face of another kid who never saw it coming.
The kid's arms flail in the air when the ball meets his forehead and his feet go airborne until he lands flat on his back.
"Garret!" a mother screams. She leaps over the rope and sprints across the field as the referee lays on his whistle like a car horn.
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