Good Things I'll Never Do Again

Thirty-Four: Kick 'Em to the Curb

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

~Neale Donald Walsch

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The way I react to the girls leaving would make me look like I've never dealt with a loss before.

I'm an orphan for Pete's sake, but neither of my parents' deaths made the house feel empty.

I'm leaning against the closed front door, staring blankly out at the expanse.

I try to keep reminding myself that the girls aren't dead, but I feel the sting just the same. It's confusing more than anything.

I guess I've never had something that I was sad to say goodbye to. And that's the part I hate the most--saying goodbye. Goodbye means that you might never say hello again. At least, not in the same way you've said hello before.

I rub my eyes tiredly and check the clock. It's still only noon.

I don't know what else to do with myself, so I grab my apron and head to Red Ribbon's. I'm sick of moaning over sad things.

~~~~~~

I shove the yarn stack up higher in the rack to make room for the new colors I'm stocking.

"Beverly!"

I sigh deeply as Sacha comes up behind me.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mutter. "I'm here for a little escapism, okay?"

Sacha pats my shoulder sympathetically. "I know how hard it is, honey."

I keep putting the yarn away, thinking, the only hard thing around here is getting some peace and quiet.

"How are you doing?" she asks.

"Better. But still terrible."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I shout, loud enough that even Mrs. May Goldfinch, the resident crazy cat lady of Chestnut Ridge, looks over at me with raised eyebrows.

Sacha spreads her hands out, gesturing to the store. "Look at you! At work, of all places!"

"It's as good a place to go as any!" I argue. "What else am I supposed to do? Stay home and clean up all the stains in the carpet from Dusty flinging guacamole everywhere?!"

Sacha's face darkens into a fierceness I've only seen a few times. "You're on the brink of another new start, Bev. The first start was the girls and you didn't have a choice. Now you do. So you can either keep working in multicolored yarn hell or you can do something you want to do." She shrugs nonchalantly. "And I'm not going to tell you what I think you should decide." Her eyes sharpen and she's honestly a terrifying mix between a demon-possessed teddy bear and a fire-breathing dragon. "But you've got a narrow window here, sis. You either make a new routine or get stuck in the old one."

I gulp and blink at this scary Sacha.

"Okay," I say quietly.

Her countenance immediately changes and she's smiling. "And we're here to help you in any way we can, hon. Never forget that."

"Thanks, Sacha." I awkwardly reach out to pat her shoulder, but she crushes me in a hug.

When she finally lets go and rushes off to help a customer, I go to put the rest of the yarn away but hesitate.