This World is Outrageous { BOOK 2 }

Chapter 25--Bay

Chapter 25

Bay

If this is what dying feels like, I want no part of it.

I can't see anything but I can feel. God, can I feel. My body feels like it's on fire, burning to a pulp. Heat tears from the back of my skull, into my sinus cavity, radiating through my limbs. Everything hurts and aches and burns.

A scream tears from my lips but I hardly hear it. So instead of trying to open my eyes, I begin counting the seconds. The long, painful, agonizing seconds.

One, one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand.

I can hear his voice—Casper's voice—trying to get me to calm down but I can't find the calm. Every-thing hurts. My throat burns from the screaming. Beneath closed eyelids my life flashes before my eyes. I see my mother when she was pregnant with the twins, when she was happy because my father was still around. I see Dad carry two bundles out and introduce me to Evan Kole and Ema Madisyn.

Seventeen one thousand, eighteen one thousand, nineteen one thousand.

However, I realize as I go through all these mem-ories, I don't remember much of my life before the twins. I don't know why but I refuse to think of my younger self. Not because I don't want to, but because I can't. I have no recollection of those memories. I reme-mber my childhood, sure. But the twins have baby photos. I don't have photos. My mom took pregnancy photos with the twins. I've never seen photos of my mother pregnant with me.

Thirty-one, one thousand, thirty-two one thousand, thirty-three one thousand.

Before my eyes flashes an image of a woman. She is tall with pale skin and dashing blue eyes. She has thick black curls that fall beneath her shoulder blades.

My throat becomes raw as I reach the minute mark.

I don't know who the woman is but I notice so many similarities between her and me. There are few differences between this woman and myself. For instance, she has a hooked nose whereas I have more of a button nose although it's still elongated. Her lips are thinner than mine but she has a welcoming smile. Her blue eyes match my own, her eyebrows arched the same as mine. She even has the same facial structure as myself—rounder face and elevated cheek bones. I know this woman in some way, shape or form. But the woman isn't me even though she could be an older version of who I am. She looks so familiar, yet she's a complete stranger to me.

Seventy-five one thousand, seventy-six one thousand, seventy-seven one thousand.

Casper shakes me, but as I dwell on it I realize it isn't him that shakes me. I am shaking myself, violently convulsing. Another scream tears from my throat as the image of the woman remains visible in my closed eyes. My only question is who is she and why am I seeing her instead of my own family? She's not my flesh and blood. If this is my last moments, I want to see people I know, not some stranger who looks like me coincidentally.

I hear a faint voice and notice that the woman whose face is seared into my eyelids is speaking, her mouth moves and audible words are being spoken.

"I never wanted this for you."

I want so badly to reply but I can't find my voice.

Who are you? I try to scream, What did you not want to happen? But all that leaves me is air—I can't speak.

Ninety-seven one thousand, ninety-eight one thousand, ninety-nine one thousand.