Someone Still Loves You | Max x Neil [Camp Camp]

1] Avoidant Attachment

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" He sounds worried. But that's stupid. What's there to worry about?

"Yes. For the last time, Neil, I'm sure." I say, exasperated. His eyes nervously move back and forth from me and his work in progress. I'm sitting on his desk chair, doing nothing but watching him focus-- measuring, pouring, mixing chemicals.

"You know, there are other things that you could do." He starts, as if indicating something. I just nod along.

He looks back at me, "You know, alternatives." Scratch that. Not looking at me. Staring. "You know, steroids, adderall to uh- you know, focus."

I don't point out that those are drugs.

"I know." I say, irritated. He should have just said that he didn't want to do it. That he didn't want to help.

I sigh, "Look, If you're trying to avoid doing it, you shouldn't have agreed to it."

"But I agreed." He says slowly.

"You're allowed to say no, if I'm right, Neil." I drawl. There's not much left to say, really.

"I get that, Max! It's just that, you're my friend..and-- And I want you to know that I'm here, whenever you want to talk." He tells me quickly and just looking at him makes me feel actual pain. He flusters.

I seriously didn't notice that I've been staring at him, long enough that said boy notices said staring. God forbid.

No one fucking cares if you stare, Max.

"So.." He adds awkwardly, "You still want it? The potion?"

I'm actually hesitating. But I say yes anyway. If I stop talking, he might start rambling about how it's mostly just oxytocin, whatever that is. I think I trust him enough. Just not enough to provide a detailed and excusable reason.

Then a thought comes across my mind.

"...You do realize that you're inventing a drug, right?"

"Technically." He grits out a bit forcefully. "But this is for you. You said it was to fix you." Then he sighs, "I don't get it. Your attitude obviously needs fixing..but that's just you. What's there to fix?" He's rambling.

"Neil." I say.

"Wait. Does Nikki know about this? Max, this is dangerous. What if someone gets hurt? I'll go to jail!" Great. Now he's panicking.

"Is there time to make a contract? How about insurance?" He questions quickly and anxiously. His eyes dart everywhere and very, slightly very, panicked.

I actually might put him into cardiac arrest. Which would honestly be hilarious if I wasn't pitying him right now.

"Neil." I try again, sounding exasperated. "Stop."

He stops. Then opens his mouth again.

"But why love?" He whispers quietly. Quietly, that I could barely hear it. It nearly shocks me that he's still the same age as me and just as young. He's just a boy, and I'm forcing him to do what I want, I think.

He looks at me. Just as tired of this camp as me.

Why love?

I almost sigh. "Go to sleep, nerd."

I turn to leave, and he taps on my shoulder. I flinch, and I almost yell out, "What?" but I don't.

"Hey, just to be sure, it's for a good cause, right? I mean, we're talking love here." He laughs, but I don't think it was meant to be funny.

I snort, "Depends on what your definition of a good cause is."

"Are you going to tell me why?" He presses. Nearly begging.

"Just shut up, Neil." Even though what I had just said was completely uncalled for.

We're heading back to the cabins and almost everyone is asleep. The girls get to sleep in a different cabin which is slightly unfair. There are only three of them. On the other hand, the number of boys are higher, which is less convenient. It's always so stuffy in here.

I climb into bed and pull the blanket up and over my shoulders, reaching my neck. My eyes are already starting to close.

"Night, Max." I hear Neil say.

Maybe next time. Maybe I'll tell him why.

Why love?

Why choose love?

And that's when I fall asleep.