Home (JG)

4

Ryan 
i slowly turn around.
"no." i say. he gives me a look and laughs softly
"no?" he repeats. i nod
"absolutely not. we will not repeat history." i say.
"i can't say i miss you?" he asks
"no, jack. because i miss you turns into i want you and i want you turns into i need you and i need you turns into heartbreak." i say. he rolls his eyes
"i don't want you." he says. i go to argue, but stop. he doesn't want me?
"you don't want me?" i ask. he shakes his head.
"i need you." he says.
"there, i skipped a step." he adds.
"don't, Jack. you already know how all of this is gonna end-"
"but what if it ends differently?" he asks
"we tried like 6 times. they all ended the same. what makes you think that four months later, it would be different?" i ask
"the fact that it's 4 months later." he says with a smile. i roll my eyes.
"your dumb." i say.
"i already said i'm sorry for how i treated you. it was shitty. i was shitty. but i've been insane without you. it may have not seemed like it but you truly did keep me in check." he says. i sigh
"i'm not expecting you to immediately get with me again. or to fall head over heels for me. but, let's try us. again." he says. i stand there, looking at him and taking his words in. i cannot get with him again. he's not good for my mental health. we don't fit. i shake my head. his face goes through a few emotions before landing on what i think is sadness.
"no jack. i can't. i can't let myself go through that. again." i say.
"but it could be different-"
"could. key word Jack. could. doesn't mean it will be. it means it could possibly. and i don't like that." i say. he sighs
"so what can i do to prove to you?" he asks. my head spins with a bunch of answers but i don't say any of them. instead, i shrug and turn around and walk back outside. i go and sit next to jill and she gives me a questioning look. i shake my head and mouth that i'll tell her later. Jack walks out and greets the guys like none of what just happened, actually happened. his words race through my mind. i need you. i miss you. all of these stupid words make my head spin and i quickly stand up. my eyes land on Jack and i make my way over to him. without thinking, my hand rises and i smack him. a little hard.
"ryan!" jill exclaims
"i fucking hate you." i say to him and then turn around and storm inside. i don't hate him. how could you possibly hate someone you loved?