Home (JG)

5

Ryan - a few days later -
"do you want to go eat with the boys for derek's birthday?" jill asks, walking into my room. i look at her and back at my phone.
"ryannnn. you have to get out of this room." she says, laying next to me.
"i don't want to." i say. she sighs.
"if your still scared to talk to the guys cuz of what happened. don't be. they think you were in the right." she says. i turn my phone off and set it on my stomach.
"it's not that." i say. she stays quiet for a moment and sits up.
"ryan." she says. i look over at her.
"do you still love him?" she asks. i close my eyes. i feel her hand tap my leg.
"you need to talk about it." she says.
"i don't love him, jill. but i don't hate him. when i was with him, i felt safe. like i knew nothing could happen to me." i say. by this time, i've opened my eyes.
"do you know how bad it felt, for the person who made you feel safe, to also make you feel horrible about yourself?" i say. i know i'm starting to tear up when i see jill start to tear up.
"he was supposed to be my safe place. my get away. but how could i possibly feel safe, with someone who's hurt me multiple times?" i say. she sighs and shakes her head softly and shrugs. we've both let a few tears slip by now. jill wipes her face and laughs
"do you still wanna go to lunch?" she asks. we both laugh.
"sure. i'll get ready." i say, she nods and squeezes my arm and then walks out. i sigh and get up and walk to my closet. i grab a outfit and quickly change. i skip
on the makeup and throw my hair in a messy bun. i slip on some white vans. add perfume and call it good. i grab my phone and bag and then walk out of my room and downstairs. jill's sitting on the couch.
"ready?" she asks. i nod. she nods and gets up, grabbing her keys.

-45 minutes later-
"he's not supposed to be here. but you know. the boy don't communicate so, if he is, just keep your distance or something." jill says as we walk into the restaurant. i nod and scan the place.
"hi. we see our party." jill says to the guy up front.
"okay. go right ahead." he says. we thank him and then i trail behind jill.
"the party has arrived." skate says as he sees us. we both laugh. jill sets her bag on the seat next to skate and i set mine next to hers. i then go and give all the guys hugs.
"how does it feel to be 19?" i ask hayes as i give him a hug.
"good." he says. i laugh softly.
"how does it feel to be going on 22?" he asks.
"pretty good. i feel old though." i say. he laughs and i continue to hug the guys.
"happy birthday stupid." i say as i get to derek.
"thank you thank you. how have you been?" he asks.
"good. focusing on finishing up school." i say. he nods.
"i heard about how you bitch-slapped Jack." he says. i laugh.
"oh my god." i say
"that was pretty bad ass. good for you." he says.
"thanks i guess." i say. he nods. we talk a little more before i go and sit back down.
"you both aren't wearing makeup. what's up?" skate asks, looking at jill and i.
"how the fuck did you..?" jill trails, utterly confused.
"i just know. what happened?" he asks
"we had a little crying sesh earlier before we came." jill says. i nod.
"Jack?" he asks
"Jack." we both say and nod.
"hey, Jack." my head shoots up and i see sammy, shaking Jack up.
"Jack?!" both jill and i exclaim, confused. he looks at both of us and the focuses on me.
"ryan. hey."