Life in Search ✔️

12 ~ Space

No. No. No. No. No. No.

This can't be happening. I got hit in the head, we're still playing the game and I just need to wake up. I knew this night was too good to be true.

I can wake up, accept that we lost, find Scarlett and hug her. The feeling of Avery needs to be erased from my mind. In a panic I pinch myself, the pain is jarring but nothing happens. I'm already awake.

Life's a real bitch sometimes.

Running my fingers through my wet hair I try to come up with a plan. Hopefully no one saw me, that way I can just pretend it never happened. That way I can still be with Scarlett-

Scarlett, I have to tell her.

I've lied my way out of any situation, but I can't do that. I can't ruin this.

Reality bites me in ass as I look up, automatically finding the first and last person I want to see right now.

The look on her face is like a punch to the gut, she knows. Please, let me explain, it's not what it looks like at all. My legs are shaking as I take a step towards her, stuck between wanting to run to her and afraid to at the same time.

The shake of her head stops me, all the pain dissolving in seconds. Scarlett, please, but it's too late.

Watching her walk away whatever happiness I've found cracks.

There's a hand squeezing my lungs, that's the only way I can describe how I feel. Every breath is a tremendous effort, never enough to fill me up.

Someone begins to move me, "Just take a deep breath."

James.

"I didn't- I wouldn't- never- I..." words are a lost cause. Unable to explain what happened.

What exactly happened?

The door promising a wonderful thing got slammed in my face, an Avery shaped lock slapped on the handle.

"I know, buddy, just try to breath."

I don't want to, the need to scream more urgent. By now we've made our way to the parking lot, so I let it out. The yells pour out of me until I'm left with nothing but a sore throat and an empty chest.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yes. No. I need to call Scarlett."

I'm not going to hold back an explanation, she needs to know the truth now.

"That's not a good idea, she's the type of person who needs space."

I know that. "So she won't be going to the party?"

He opens his mouth but checks his time gone, "Stells just said they are."

Good, I can talk to her there.

*****

I follow James back to his house, not bothering to memorize the path. I don't really care to do much of anything right now. Walking into his room I'm hit with another realization; his walls are covered in things. Pictures of his childhood, vacations, posters of bands mixed throughout.

It's painful remembering the bare walls waiting for me at home.

We change, somewhere along the way my arms stop shaking. Everything will be okay, I'm sure of it.  That's what I tell myself the entire drive over to Gabe's house, I don't even want to be here. People are everywhere, drinking, dancing, smoking, having the time of their lives and I'm miserable.

"Ashton, you've got to perk up. Everyone here is technically celebrating you." James says, shaking my shoulders.

Leaning against the wall I take in my surroundings in a new light, people are actually smiling at me. This is exactly what I wanted, and I hate it. Without thinking I grab a closed beer from someone's hand, something to dull the edge could be useful right about now.