Life in Search ✔️

30 ~ Miserable

Four days have passed, and I haven't left my room.

And in all my self-reflection, I've come to a conclusion. I'm a worthless asshole. I wanted to hate Scarlett for lying to me without ever considering her own feelings, just my own. I had a right to be hurt, but I shouldn't have left her. What she did was self-preservation. I don't go around telling people my dad's a deadbeat who won't allow Mark to adopt me.

Hell, if I wasn't so desperate for Scarlett to share her secret with me, I might've never given her a version of my story that day in the park. It's embarrassing to share the fact that you were left behind. 

Abandoned.

Just like I left her.

I pull at my hair, God, I'm such an asshole.

I grab a tennis ball and chuck it at my wall, the sound pulsing around my thoughts. I got dressed and walked outside three times today, once I even made it to my car, but I never leave. There's only one place I want to go, and she certainly doesn't want to see me.

She could slam the door right in my face, and I wouldn't blame her. I'd do it for her if I could.

I stare at my phone, debating whether or not I should turn it back on. I didn't want to do anything stupid, so I shut it off three days ago. 

I throw the ball again, annoyed that I'm such a coward, hitting a picture frame off my wall. In an instant I'm on the ground, even more upset with myself.

It was the painting Scarlett gave me for Christmas, of course I broke it.

Looks like I'm just ruining all the nice things in my life.

I walk over and set it down on my desk, purposely ignoring the sketch she gave me. Even without looking at it I remember the night she drew it. Her eyes only looking at the paper once before recreating it. A little furrow in her brow as she worked.

It was mesmerizing.

I sit down in the chair, no longer feeling like lying in bed, when I remember the picture book Ella dropped off. Mom put it in my room, ignoring my request to leave me alone.

Letting curiosity get the best of me I open it up, impressed by Ella's handiwork.

Ashton Brecken
Thank You

I scoff, what could she possibly thank me for? Her text message was the reason I shut my phone off. That and the long list of threats Stella sent me.

The first picture is one I've never seen before, of us walking to class on my first day of school. At first, I didn't believe Abuela's proclamation of love but looking at my face now, I'd be stupid to argue. I've been entranced by Scarlett since day one.

I flip through the images of the last two months, sadness settling inside me the more I see her face. I can't make myself close it, always wanting one more glance. As the pictures continue, I can see a change in Scarlett, her smile becoming brighter. I'm positive I could go through this book and pick out every fake smile she's wearing. 

Ronnie comes barreling into my room, dressed in her snow clothes. "Ashy, come play with me." She demands, trying to pull me out of my chair.

When I don't budge, she looks over my shoulder, "Why are you staring at a picture of Scar? Do you like her?"

She giggles frantically as I scoop her up. "No, I just miss her."

The last thing I need is for her to tell Saffron, or even worse Scarlett, of her discovery.