Life in Search ✔️

Bonus ~ Birthday

No matter how hard I try to forget the past, some days it just sneaks up.

It demands to be remembered, moments and memories crawling through the newer, happier experiences just to ruin them all.

My birthday is one of those times and I hate it.

There's just something about remembering the day you're born. No matter how excited you want to be, the birthday blues crawl in. I wish I was just experiencing that.

All I've been able to do for the last week is recount every bad memory I've had on my birthday. The last three ended in epically equal fuck ups.

My freshman year it was the first time I smoked. I came home smelling like skunk and didn't expect Mark, a former cop, to notice anything was off. My parents and I spent all night arguing while the candles on my cake melted to nothing. Not that it mattered, the day and my cake were beyond saving.

My sophomore year I didn't even bother to come home, most of the night an alcohol induced blur. Bits and pieces filter through, there were girls, smoking, and I'm pretty sure I robbed something. I think it's better that I don't remember.

My junior year though, that was the event that changed my life forever. I was in that warehouse, drinking and smoking as a pregame for whatever fucked up plans we made. That was before Ethan Reynolds appeared and started running his mouth about his girlfriend.

I've apologized to him and made peace, but I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for what I did.

My alarm goes off, signaling that it's time to start a day I'd much rather skip over. The door opens, revealing a stack of pancakes with candles in it as my family begins to sing.

I force a smile as they finish, opening my arms to Ronnie as I blow out the candles.

"Happy birthday, Ashy." She grins, "You're old."

I burst out laughing even as it echoes through me, "Thanks, Munchkin."

Mom and Dad rest on the edge of my bed, "Welcome to adulthood."

"Thanks." I grimace, not wanting to be reminded.

18.  I'm a legal adult. Now it doesn't matter what I do, there's no saving me.

"You feeling okay, Hun?" Mom asks, brushing the hair out of my face.

No. "Yeah, just a little tired."

She studies me, knowing exactly what's wrong but respecting my desire to ignore it. "Is Scarlett joining us for breakfast?"

"No, she wanted us to have some time together." Maybe that's a good thing, I don't know if I could be around her right now.

My emotions aren't ready to go away just yet.

They nod, leaving me alone with my thoughts as I get ready for the day.

*****

Sitting in my truck, I debate the consequences of not going to school today. I could skip, claiming a mental health day. And do what?

I have nowhere to go. All my friends will be here. I have football that I can't miss.

My debate is ended by pounding on all of my windows. Jumping, I hit my knee as I glare at all three Rhodes boys grinning at me like fools.

Unlocking my doors, they pile onto my three-person bench.

"Happy birthday." Sage says, shoving a hat on my head.

"You, adult, you." Silver adds, throwing a feathery, pink boa around my neck.

I'm about to ask them what the hell is going on when there's a knock at my window, expecting Scarlett, I roll it down.