Bayridge Forest Academy (highkey on crack)

very serious kalvin x saachi

this is for you w4zps_

***

one day saachi was spotted on the campus of harvard/yale/columbia (becoz he v smarts) and he was jus chillin' with snow and shit. katja was too busy somewhere in a corner screwing a straight girl so saachi and snow were just singing some next french song in french.

test k. decides to self-insert herself into the universe using a time-space continuum. she automatically masters all 7 elements, is a demon/cat/angel precious uwu child (shouts outs to rosie;) and is 6"7 weighs 2 pounds. she yeets a hamburger out of her bag and shoves it down her throat, immediately losing -5 pounds.

anjyways, she finds her way to princeton uni and fins saachi being himse.lf. she runs over to him and he surprised looks at her. who r u he says, u have the dream body of my friewnds named ren bergara she would kill to be you right now.

test flips her hair out of her face and smiles a smile so smiley and wonderful that even saachi would turn straight for her.

im test k." she says, "you're a very cute uwu edgy boye and ik ur in love with katja but she's never gonn ah have you because annalise keating will ship her ass to alcatraz if she so much as lays a finger on you.

"owo?" replies saachi.

then all pof a sudden kalving appears from his car and starts patrolling the campus. 

"iT'S THE PO-PO" snow says terrified and runs to find the weeknd.

test starts blushing and uwu'ing intensely., but this isn't her reaction to kalvin - this is what SAACHI feels for him!!!!1!11

"wait whsat says' saachi, "bruh ive seen him like once at maplehurts when i went to visit my sister whose ass was yeeted to jail, 

'you two are meant to be,' test sighs, 'if you go make out with him, i promise everyone will accept you for being a demisexual ze/zeir softboy'

'really?' saachi;s eyes widen. he knows that rosie told him strictly that lgbt was the full acronym but he just couldn't stop himself from accepting his real sexuality and identity. he only pretended to be bisexual when rosie was around so that she wouldn't slap a bithc.

'he is kinda cute,' saachi murmurs. 

test starts screaming, 'KALVING, KALVING, K A L V I N G,,"

kalvin garrah appears out of his house and annoyed says, 'bro stfu bro im busy gatekeeping. wyd.'

'im sorry'; says test, ' for some reason whenever i type out kalvin's name on any digital surface with a keyboard, i have an immediate impulse to spell kavlin as kalving and just yeet the "g" key at the end of his name. its a medical condition. go back to doing yo thang." 

after this misunderstanding was cleared up, test reports dora the exploreer to donald trump so that he tries to deport her back to mexico. kalvin (being an established police officer of many years and high ranks) refuses to allow this injustice to happen (especially since the wall isnt even built yet bro like stfu donald) and appears in court to fight this for himself. however he spots saachi who is connor walsh's apprentice battling the case and kicking ass in court.

kalvin eyes them curiously knowing full and well that connor is not very straight and silently hopes that it's not what it looks like.

saachi manages to destroy prosecution by presenting evidence that donald's daughter was secretly mexican and therefore he has no right to deport dora and not her and rthus saachi wins.

uwu soft emo boye saachi cries and jumps excitedly in his excitement. the entire courthouse claps for him and he turns around and sees his mentor connor gazing at him from the crowd and runs into his arms and they kiss. then they fuck in the court's mens bsathroom.

kalkving is shooketh. how could this happen? test k. promised him that he would get together with saachi because this is her au and what she says goes. plus, she's like fucking god/neko/demon chan like how can she NOT get everything she wants?

sobbing, he confronts test/.

"hehe uwu" she says, "o kalving. this is very typical of me., wait a couple days and you'll see. how am i finna give you a good love story and romantic ending witrh saachi if there's no conflict? the climax hasn't happened yet, my dude. where's the angst at, kalvin, wHere"S tHe aNGsT?!@/!/11!!"

two days later, saachi walks in on walsh fucking his ex oliver, and also, wes and asher were apart of the group/

"what" saachi is in shooketh, "you know, i know you're good looking connor, but how do u fuck 3 guys at the same time, 2 of whom are very straight? like you've only got one meat popsicle, and i-"

test yeet s him out of the room and leaves him on thr street somewhere where saachi questions his life.

"sobs" he cries., "yknow maybes now the right time to commit delete. i mean i threatened suicide when iwas getting abused when i was like 8 years old but that was just a joke. this is much more important anf worthy of my time oh also i have self harm habits and mysophobia and suicide ideation obesseive vcomplusove disorder generalized panic disorder post traumatic stress disorder psychotic depression, and i -"

all of a sudden kalvin pulls up.

"hey": he says, "i know u've only seen me during some of ur worst times visiting ur sister in jail and shit and you probs never noticed me but lemme just say ive been stalking you ever since you were 13 and when u threatened suicide to the cops also when ur dad alsmost got deported back to (not mexico_) and when you were freeing your sisyter's car from the pound like yeah you've never seen me but i just for some reason keep seeming to run into u in my lifetime like goddamn saachi now i'm fucking working at brown university as a law lecturer and guess whos in my class that's right thottie its you. and ive developed some next reverse stockholm syndrome towards you and i love ypou v ery much so please marry me now and also let me stick my sticc up your piehole please."

saachi is OWO'ing very aggresively.

"that" he sniffs "is the most beautiful and heartfelt love confession i've ever been given in my whole entire life. also the only confession anyone's every given me because even tho i'm insanely hot and popular i'm also uwu bullied and emo trash everyone hates me my parents abandofned me."

kalving touches his face anfd they share a very loving moment.

then kalvin yeets him to his office in the police station where they fuck and saachi moans so loud that all kalvin's co workers are like wtf man i thought u was straight y you no tell us.

test k. smiles at this and returns back to her sad excuse of a life in the real world where she's actually 2"0 and weighs 3500 pounds and runs an instagram -page where she posts highly editted pictures of imvu characters the end.

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