Basically, The BIBLE

The Old Testament: Genesis 1

So, in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth that we live on, and it apparently wasn't a huge explosion. Everything was blobby and weird and there was nothing on the world yet except probably water, which God liked to float over.

God clapped his hands. "Bright stuff," he said, and there was bright stuff. He decided that the bright stuff was pretty darn good, and didn't stop there. He decided to call the bright stuff "day" and the dark stuff "night" because he apparently invented words and stuff.

And there was like, nighttime and morning , the first day.

God squinted at his stuff for a second and said, "Let's put something over the water, to separate the water."

So he did that, and called that something "sky". And there was nighttime and there was morning, the second day.

Making the sky was so hard that it took a whole day, but God had more plans. "I want to put something in the water," he said.

"LAND!" And there was land, and all that water was called "sea". Excellent job, Me, God thought.

Then God was like, "I want to make stuff grow on that land, like fruits and veggies and like thousands of other kinds of green stuff." So he did that, and decided it was good.

There was nighttime and there was morning, the third day.

On the fourth day, God said, "I want balls of light in the sky. I'm going to put balls of light in the sky." So he put balls of light in the sky, the one that he turned on in the daytime was the "sun" and the one that reflected the sunlight during the night was the "moon."

He also made stars, which would probably be useful later. God liked to plan ahead.

There was nighttime and there was morning, the fourth day.

God waggled his eyebrows and said, "I want birds and fish to be on my world. The birds will fly in the air and the fish will like, swim and stuff. And be eaten. And also be important for like parables and stories later."

It was good, God decided. He blessed them and told them to get it on and have lots of children. And it was good.

There was nighttime and there was morning, the fifth day.

Day Six On "Build Your Own Minecraft World With God":

"I want some walky thingies." God said. "Imma put some walky thingies on my world too."

So he did, all sorts of walky thingies, like giraffes and goats and gators and some other things that don't start with G.

It was so good. God didn't wanna stop. So he turned to his colleagues.

"Let's make a dude that looks like us," he said. "And he can be in charge of the animals and plants and stuff."

Jesus and Holy Spirit™ nodded agreeably.

So God made mankind, a dude one and a chick one. He blessed them and stuff, and told them to get freaky too, like he'd told the fish and birds. He told them to fill the earth and "subdue" it.

"You can eat everything, except this weird tree fruit doohickey that I'll mention in the next chapter," God said to them, deciding to end this chapter.

God saw that everything he'd made was good.

There was nighttime and there was morning, the sixth day.

And on the seventh day God rested, wishing Starbucks would hurry up and become a thing.