Transcendent Thirst

💉1

Worthless. What does that word mean to you?

Because that one word itself, any definition to back it up, sums me up altogether. My whole life, I've grown up practically always being torn down.

When I was a child, my father placed me into a Foster Home. Didn't know at the time what it was, but I remember him distinctly smoking a cigarette before sending me inside. His eyes completely avoided me and he couldn't utter a complete sentence to me.

It wasn't out of remorse or sadness - nothing like that. He just did not care for me and didn't want anything to do with me. That memory constantly haunts me every time I go to sleep. I dream it and then it becomes a nightmare.

Since that time, I have tried to be something for others. I don't want to be a burden and want to be the best at anything. Going to school was hard too because I'd get bullied for having no one to go home to.

Father's and Mother's Day wasn't fun for me either... But even if I didn't have any parents to love me and impress, I guess I turned onto people my age.

Wanting to impress them and be worth something to them.

Elementary school, constantly bullied and I hated myself. No one loved me and just anyone leaving me was enough to make me cry.

Middle school, slightly more mature and that's when the bullying was a little worse. Come eighth grade and I begin to have growth spurts.

High school, it wasn't horrible. I played sports and even managed to join basketball because of my height. I got along with everyone, yet there was always someone who wanted to bring me down. That time is the time I felt like I had worth. Could make people happy and was invited to everything.

Graduation was horrific... I began to realize that there's the real world and I then really won't be worth anything. Even came to realize that adults too, want to tear you down as well.

Going to college is free for me because I was in Foster Care for more than a day, so I had that to help me. Currently in college, but I'm weighed down on debt already.

Barely have my life started and I'm already owing the government money.

I have a job as a waiter in a club. As of right now, I work here with a friend who's been with me in Foster Care. Tyrone got in a couple years after me, but neither of us got adopted.

So it came a point where we could leave and began to live together. Now we both depend on each other in a way.

"Darius, food is ready for table 23."

I walk towards the chef and grab the plates. My hands can handle a lot of heat on them so this was fine.

I also know that it's best to smile all the time. May not be real but it can put a good image in others minds. Then eventually I can have more people to want to get along with me. After I can be worth more to others.

Going to table 23, I come upon this duo of women. When they saw me it was a little interesting for them to show interest. Putting that aside and hoping to be professional, I smile and set their food down.

"A plate of mozzarella sticks and tomato sauce for the lady with fiery red hair. Then barbecue buffalo wings with a side of fries - double - for the lady with green eyes." I state, hearing them giggle at my words." Is that everything?"

"Yes, thank you."

"No, thank you. You guys have good taste." I compliment, causing them to giggle some more and it made me happy to make peoples day in general." Hope you enjoy your meal."