Transcendent Thirst

💉29

I watched my daughter sleep peacefully on my lap, my room completely dark. The blinds closed and all the light that came in was the moonlight. Though I could tell it was going to be storming because of the thunder.

The weather matched me perfectly.

Dark...depressing...signifying that everyone stay inside and not come out, or you'll get wet. Some disgusted by the wet feeling of the cold rain that could've come from any parts of the world. Only to go back home and contradict themselves by taking a hot bath. They can assist they don't like being wet but... Humans will only let themselves be wet when they want to be.

For me...I want to stand in the cold rain. I want to get wet...cold...sit in the rain. Let my tears mix with the rain and no one can tell if I'm really crying or if the rain drops are just falling down my face.

I haven't truly cried ever since Oscar came. I'm not saying this in a good way either. If I even bother crying, he insists I'm burdening Aurelie. I don't like hearing those words so recently I have become good at putting up a face.

Where I hide how I truly feel with a smile. For Aurelie...I am naturally happy - there is no need for face. For strangers or people in general, I put on face.

Funny how he said we'd cry together and he doesn't even let me do that without ridiculing me. Yet he can cry all he wants and that's just him missing Darius dearly. When I do it I'm just being depressing... Where's the common sense in that?

I sigh, wishing I could sleep like a normal human being again. When I was pregnant with Aurelie, I slept peacefully. It was relaxing and it was nice to wake up in Darius' arms. To see him smile at me and he would always be up before me...somehow...

My life goes by much more slower. It's only been three weeks, basically a month. How can I imagine forever this way? Real prison is much better than being in a prison of a broken heart. How can I suffer this way?

Not to mention that Aurelie grows much more faster. I should have seen it coming since she is half vampire. It still breaks my heart that she is growing at such rapid rates. She's only three weeks old and looks like she's almost two months.

She is still small and precious...but I feel like even time is playing with me. Having my life go by so slowly, yet my daughter grows so fast before my eyes as if I'm missing something.

I know for a fact I'm not because I refuse for her to see me this way. So there is no way...but Oscar sees it too, so I'm not crazy.

There began to be the sound of rain hitting the roof of the house. Making me have this drive to come outside.

"Achille?"

I flinch, suddenly hearing Darius' voice in my head. That's when I stood up and placed Aurelie in her crib gently. That's when I go to my window, opening the sill as some of the rain began to drop onto my face.

All I wanted was to drown out Darius' kind voice from my mind. Because all I've been hearing is him calling my name. But it's not the normal way he calls my name.

He's calling my name as if he's trying to get my attention. As if we just got in an argument...the pain in his voice.

I stepped out, pulling myself onto the roof quite easily. Just being up here was a reminder of how low I have gone now. Just to hide my tears I cry in nonexistent rain. The drops were light and I wished they were heavier than this.

Based on the upcoming clouds approaching, I had a pretty well good guess it'd rain harder soon enough. That made me walk to the very middle of my roof, sitting down as I stared at the sky.