Transcendent Thirst

💉28

I sat quietly in my house, wearing one of Darius' jackets that was too loose on me. But I didn't care, I didn't care about anything anymore - except Aurelie. My tears streamed down my face in phases. It was evident that this phase was a little early.

I wasn't prepared as I tried wiping them away, but they continued falling. Aurelie was asleep in her crib Oscar brought for me...even putting her to sleep was hard. Because she searches for something...someone and she looks at me as if I've done something wrong. It destroys me.

It has only been a week since Darius...was murdered, and I can't cope. I can't get the sight of his death out of my mind. It replays constantly and mocks me. Mocks me that I could've prevented this. All I think of is the 'what ifs'.

Just needed to turn him into a vampire. He begged, but I was a coward. I didn't trust myself, yet Darius trusted me with all his heart. His trust should've been enough...I'm such a fool - a coward.

It's like what he said on the day I tried to cut all contact with him...

I looked down at my lap, feeling my lips tremble when Darius stood before me. Except I felt him grab my hand and pull me up with him. Though I avoided looking at his face, but he tipped up my chin against such a thing. When I saw him grin down at me so lovingly, my eyes watered even more.

Because suddenly I found my heart beating faster than it ever has. This feeling of...love grew within my chest and it frightened me.

"Achille I will tell you straight up...you are a coward." Darius murmurs to me, and I flinched at such a blow. "But I know you've lost the ones you love most. It hurts...I know, I've lost the only person in my life - and he helped me become alive! Despite that don't...don't let your past push us apart. Don't decide to separate us on your own accord all by yourself, please."

I found my breathing become heavier because I knew what I was feeling for him at this moment. Nothing could persuade me otherwise.

Some tears finally left my eyes, but they weren't tears of sadness - they were tears of realization. That I love this human being.

I cover my face with my hands, shaking uncontrollably at this point. I couldn't control how fast my tears would flow or how much I'd tremble. This was all too much. The only reason why I don't insist on death is because of Aurelie.

She needs me. I need her.

But the way she looks at me...I know she notices that Darius is missing. She cries much more and she barely sleeps. The only reason why she's sleeping now is because she tired herself out from screaming so much.

I try catching my breath as I stand up, only to sit back down on the bed. My senses override with pain and misery. I'm a horrible person for not listening to Darius. Why didn't I just do it?! Just one simple task...that I couldn't do because I'm an idiot.

I begin to hear the doorbell go off, and I look at Aurelie quickly to see if she woke up. Her eyes wide open as she looked at me and I saw the expression of pain.

"Why do you look at me this way?" I whimper, walking towards her. When I pick her up she starts to whine and I knew she was probably...upset with me.

I go downstairs and open the front door, seeing Oscar glaring at me. Immediately I roll my eyes as I try closing the door, only for him to stop it.

"You need to leave the house-."

"Why do you keep bothering me!" I yell at him, and he snickers at me. "If you care about me so much, than leave me be-."