Off The Beaten Path

Time is Precious

Bernell sighed against the chill of the air, eyes closed as she leaned into the breeze. Autumn had arrived in full force; Gabriel and Ezra were learning to manage their makeshift farm like they had been born for it. Phillip swung up the tree beside her, his ODM whirred. She smiled as he planted his feet, wobbling a little. He practiced like a man possessed but he didn't quite have the natural skill necessary to truly become a master at this craft.

Bernell leaned back, peering through the foliage and pointed, "There. You can see the horses and our cave. And look! There's Lisa with the babies; barely dots in the horse corral." She swung her arm around, "If you look that way you can see the Titans lurking around a few miles away." She stood on tip toe, "If you really look you can see Wall Rose..." she turned her head the other way, unable to see Wall Maria through the trees.

"Bernell..." His voice was quiet. "There's a group of soldiers over there."

She turned slowly to look where he motioned. They weren't likely to find them, she knew this. Still the cold dread swept up her arms and through her body. Without word she launched herself from the tree, using her ODM to maneuver effortlessly through the thick of trees. The wind rushed past her, the feeling was pure adrenaline and freedom. While she was up here, off the ground, the nightmares and the sorrow didn't pervade her every moment. She felt so strong, so independent. Being there with that machine strapped to her waist felt right, natural. She stopped within the shadow of the trees on the outside of the forest.

"Looks like they're moving out to try and get some intel." Bernell whispered, binoculars in hand. "It's Commander Smith's crew."

"Can I see?" His eager eyes were gleaming.

Bernell hid her frown, handing the binoculars over; her mind racing. They weren't going to come this way. They had no idea people were out here. She worried for a moment as the light above shifted. If the sun hit the glass on the binoculars they'd be spotted. She watched warily for a change in direction, for Phillip to lean even a little bit forward - but none of these things happened and the regiment passed on their horses and with their wagons. Bernell watched for a moment longer before clasping Phillip's shoulder.

"I'm gunna hunt us some dinner, check the snares. You coming?"

He shook his head, "I wanna watch them some more."

Bernell nodded, "Just don't leave the canopy." She motioned to the tree tops.

Phillip barely nodded before moving slowly and awkwardly in the direction the survey corps had run off to. Bernell watched him, analyzing his movements. She'd have to give him pointers later, he needed to look where he was trying to go instead of looking to the anchor points. She lowered herself to the ground, walking slowly back to the house. She was in no hurry. Since having Terra something in her... changed. She was upset, sad. Nothing really interested her. Every night holding her sleeping baby she felt herself become angry. This little human with giant dark grey eyes and fluffy hair growing lighter every day. She looked nothing like her brothers had.

And Bernell felt the conflict because she loved her baby. She loved the way Terra smelled and the way she smiled at her big brothers. She loved her little baby coos and the way she would rub Bernell's chest when she nursed herself to sleep. But she wished she didn't have to relive every painful moment of her conception; every awful touch, every regret of Tom's death. She liked to imagine sometimes that he was still with her; that he was watching over her all those stupid times she almost died. Either battling titans or out in the snow. She smiled softly thinking of the time she nearly got herself strung up with the deer she had trapped. His antlers had been large, she'd almost been gorged. It had been a freak miracle that she was still alive with nothing more than a scrape on her arm.