Being Butch Green || ✓

Chapter 10 - Don't Insult Old People

Tyres screeched and the strong smell of rubber burning reached my nostrils as both cars shot forward like rockets.

Oh - and I was screaming.

I couldn't help it. The whole affair was utterly terrifying. Trees whizzed past us with terrible speed and the blockade of cars was fast approaching. My brain simply couldn't keep up in its current state. I wanted to spew all over again and I secretly begged Jack to slow down. I held onto my stomach, my ears tuning into the voice of someone yelling at me. I turned around fully expecting a stowaway Leprechaun, but all that greeted me was that damned Hula girl!

"And here they come. Round the bend. Round the bend," she commentated from where she sat, bobbling. "Oh, and the Beetle is in the lead! But fear not! The black Sedan is only a few millimetres behind!"

"Shut up!" I yelled over to her. For what it was worth she needed to take a holiday from my mind. But she bobbed her head instead, smiling, and continued to commentate.

"Who will reach the finish line first? Will it be you or those spin class classics?"

I never listened long enough to find out what her prediction was. I swallowed, staring at the drag-race-turned-full-on-war. I gawked as I stared at the little Beetle speeding along next to us. A Granny from the backseat leaned out the window, a shotgun firmly planted in her hands. It was pointed straight at us.

"JACK!" I shrieked.

He looked over at me, slightly confused, as I began furiously pointing at the window. His gaze followed my jabbing finger as his brain registered what was about to happen. His foot slammed down on the brake; the car lurching as Jack strained to stop the Sedan in its tracks. I clutched the sides of my seat, wishing for us not to die as we skidded for metres down the road; the tyres straining at the friction.

No sooner had we come to a screeching halt, were we surrounded by flashing lights and sirens. The whole affair blinded me as we were enclosed in a box of Police issued cars. The patrol cars blasted messages over the loudspeakers like music at a party, and if that wasn't enough, a helicopter now buzzed overhead.

"We're full on wanted!" I muttered, gazing up at the circling helicopter as it was joined by another one. "What the fuck have we done!?"

"Mother trucker!" Jack yelled, slamming his fist down on the dashboard. I stared at him; one eyebrow raised until his fit had dissipated enough for him to snap back into reality. He turned to me, a thought crossing his mind. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"No..." I said gingerly. I didn't have a clue what B1 from Bananas in Pyjamas thought. I wasn't B2, so why the hell was he even asking that? But unfortunately, my extremely slow thought process brought me to the realisation of what he was getting at. His head pointed beside us towards the road barrier - the only other free way out. "No! No fucking way! We aren't going over that!"

"Only way little bro," he said with a grin as he cocked his head sidewards at the window.

A blank piece of wood sat resting in between the sidebar – the perfect ramp. If our relationship wasn't so complicated, I could have slapped him then and there. And sure enough, his stupid little mind decided the best course of action was to rev the car forward. He turned the steering wheel furiously to the right, veering the car drastically with the motion.

"Looks like they'll be taking the alternate route! How exciting this will be!" the Hula girl commentated.

"No! This is not exciting!" I yelled at her.

But the Hula girl just laughed. "Aaaand...here we go!"

No sooner had we flown off the ramp, the Hula girl disappeared, and it was just me, Jack and the car suspended in slow motion in the air. The file floated up and the pages dispersed like feathers around us. The car tilted and then began a sharp nosedive towards the ground; the papers fluttering more like shrivelled leaves as they descended.