Evolution

Chapter Thirteen: Confrontation

I was tired, I was hungry, I was frustrated. But those were emotions that were useless, like many of the others I was beginning to feel force of.

"What do you want?" I shot at Ronan as he leaned over a counter

"Here" He shot back as his hand spat out and he out-held a fistful of arrows.

I stared at them for a moment before putting it together "You found the hunting store" I mumbled

"I did" He nodded as he fumbled around with ammunition

"Thanks" I spoke slowly as I took them from him

I wanted to leave, walk away, but my curiosity was getting the better of me.

"What else did you guys find?"

"Ammunition, blades, canned food, bottles of water..." He told me willingly without any eye-contact

"That's good" I nodded "Are any of the medications useful?"

Ronan sighed and looked towards me as he leaned his hands on the counter

"Look, I'm sorry I went off at you before, I just... these guys are like brothers to me, and when Jesse didn't come back on time..."

Suddenly, I was seeing the emotions of someone who pretended to be strong, tough and impenetrable. It was weird.

"I get it" I told him as he straightened up and faced me

"Do you?" He quirked an eyebrow

I shrugged and looked into his gold tinged eyes, then, I felt bad.

"I guess I'm beginning to see that not all humanity has been lost" It came out more like a question than a statement.

"I can understand where you're coming from, the whole, 'I don't care about humanity because humanity doesn't care about me' It's hard to find yourself after you've lost everything you thought you believed in" He told me, leaning his hip on the counter "But that shouldn't mean you give up"

I shrugged and averted my gaze

"Giving up makes you weak" He reminded me

"I haven't given up"

"You've given up on a lot more than you realize, including yourself"

"How do you figure?" I narrowed my eyes

"You don't allow yourself to feel the simplest of emotions despite wanting to so badly"

He wasn't wrong. The past few days had proven difficult. I had felt the need to be angry, to be saddened, to be protective, to be grateful, to be curious, and to be human. And I did force back those emotions, to the best of my ability.

"I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me before, they cost me more than you can imagine" I told him, something I avoided telling people

"I can't imagine it, no, but you can't undo what's already been done, you can't punish yourself forever, especially like this" He told me

I sighed "Where is this going Ronan?"

"We are a team here Arrow, we look out for each other. And although you probably won't believe it, everyone here has your back and we care about your well-being. I suppose all I ask for, is that you provide us with that same courtesy"

I averted my eyes over Ronan's shoulder, unsure

Ronan was asking me to care about him, to care about the others; it was an emotion that had cost me Leo. I wasn't sure I was ready to give that to anyone else. It could get them killed.