rich & sad ↣ joshler ✓

35. Mistakes

Tyler looked out towards his apartment building, his chest bubbling with fear. Two and a half weeks have passed since he's even spoken to Brendon over the phone let alone seen him. He hoped Brendon would be willing to talk to him.

"You'll be okay," Josie told him from the phone. He had called her for some reassurance. "And if not then let me know and we'll figure something out. If you have to move in with me you can or we can find you your own place or something. It'll be okay."

"Okay," Tyler swallowed. "I'm gonna go in. I'll tell you how it goes either way."

"Alrighty. Bye, Ty."

"Bye, Josie."

He hung up and grabbed his phone before getting out. He locked his car and made his way inside.

As he got into the elevator, he began panicking. Did he go in? Did he knock? He still lives there but it's not his apartment... Would Brendon yell at him? Would he cry? Would Tyler cry? He was freaking out.

The elevator stopped and the doors creaked open. Tyler debated riding it back down to the lobby and leaving but the doors started to close so he slipped out.

He walked down the hall, stopping when he got to his apartment door. Taking a deep breath, he hesitantly knocked.

He waited there for god knows how long before it swung open. Brendon was standing there, a surprised look on his face. "You lasted longer than I thought you would. I was honestly starting to think you weren't coming back," he said.

Tyler blinked, not knowing what to say. However, he started with the most important thing he knew he had to say. "I'm sorry."

Brendon was the one to blink this time. "I— you're what?"

"I'm sorry," Tyler told him sincerely. "I'm sorry for trying to get you to hook up with me. I'm sorry for being a dick to you about it. And I know you shouldn't be the one hearing this but I'm sorry I cheated on Josh."

Brendon just looked at him like he grew two heads. "Did Tyler Joseph just apologize?"

Tyler couldn't bring himself to smile at that. He knows Brendon was trying to lighten the mood but he genuinely felt bad. "Yeah. Because I am sorry. I know words can only do so much but I'm trying at least."

Brendon opened the door wider for him, stepping aside. "Come in."

Tyler walked inside, feeling out of place. The apartment looked the exact same as it did when he left but he felt like he didn't belong here anymore. "Not to be an asshole," he began. "But why did you invite me inside? Why haven't you handed me my packed bags and thrown me out?"

Brendon looked at him. "Honestly? I don't know. I expected you to come back the next day and we'd just yell at each other and then just fuck like when we fought before but one, I'm still not going to help you cheat on your boyfriend and two, that didn't happen so I'm just confused."

"He's not my boyfriend anymore. He found out. He dumped me," Tyler said quietly, looking at the ground when tears filled his eyes. He never cried unless it was for attention but this was him being genuinely upset. Brendon never saw him genuinely upset though so he tried to hide it the best he could. "I deserve it though."

"Are you crying?" Brendon asked him. His voice was soft though and didn't hold any judgement.

Tyler glanced up and tried to look at Brendon but his vision was too blurry with tears. He wiped them again and saw Brendon's face fall. Tyler was crumbling and it was very evident.

Nothing was said as Brendon pulled Tyler in for a hug, holding him tightly. The younger began sobbing into his shirt, feeling his whole body shake with every sound. He missed Josh so much his heart felt like it had been shriveled up and stomped on.

"I feel s-so awful," he sobbed out. "I'm a terrible person. I'm so sorry that you had to put up with that. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm d-disgusting."

Brendon didn't say anything as he rubbed Tyler's back. Tyler was right and Brendon knew he was right. They couldn't make excuses for it.

Tyler's sobs turned into cries and then whimpers but once he was completely done crying he was still holding onto Brendon. "I love him so much. I genuine love him. It went from me using him to falling for him. I know that sounds stupid because I was trying to hook up with you hours before I realized it but it's the truth. As soon as he kicked me out of his apartment it clicked. I miss him so much but I don't think I'm going to get him back."

"You never know that," Brendon spoke. "I'm not saying you deserve a second chance because honestly you don't but he be nice enough to give you one. It depends how much he's hurting."

Tyler pulled back and wiped the drying tears off his cheeks. "I wish I could know. Know how bad he's hurting still. It was bad when I was with him. I wish he didn't hurt. I wish none of this ever happened."

"You can't take back what you did," Brendon told him. "All you can do is try to move past it."

"I don't know if I'll be able to," Tyler looked back at the ground. "I'm trying to change, Brendon. I am. I'm trying to actually be a good person. Acting how I was before did nothing but cause harm."

"I was waiting for you to grow up," Brendon said. Tyler lifted his head and saw Brendon giving him a sad smile. "I'm glad you're seeing it now. I just wish this wasn't what made you finally realize it."

"I wish it wasn't either."

It was silent before Brendon spoke again. "I love you, Ty. I want you to know that. You've made mistakes and you're trying to own up to them. I'm proud of you. You've just gotta keep doing so. You know you did isn't okay and you're trying to fix it."

"I wish I could fix things with Josh," he sighed.

Brendon pondered for a moment before speaking again. "Maybe you can."