Affliction | ✓

ix | him | 2

15 days till NYE, 2016

the past four days had been a blur. he genuinely can't remember how he managed to wake himself up, head to work, type some shit that he can't even fucking recall and drive himself back home when all he wanted to do was ram into a bloody tree or something.

he keeps rewinding four days ago, keeps rewinding the moment he dropped his guard and kissed her. he kissed her, like a hormonal teenager who doesn't think, who was completely caught up in the moment that he didn't seem to realize the consequences of his actions. he screwed shit up all over again. she had elio and elio was a gem, a fucking sweetheart. someone she deserved not him, not him with his depression, with a cold heart and even colder words.

he exhales, glances at the calendar. 16th of december. 15 days left till it was New Year's Eve. 15 days left for him to be alive. he wonders idly if he should visit his father's house, laughs at himself for even thinking of that suggestion. clifford hadn't texted him for months, hadn't called for years and had spoken to him directly in decades so why bother making things awkward for both parties?

he wonders if his father would be upset, even mildly when he hears about his bastard son's death. he wonders if clifford would care then. probably not. he'd never wanted him, never claimed him as a son, not really. it was all about morris: his preppy, well-groomed half brother whom he'd never had the pleasure of directly meeting but if he was anything like his mother who was a god-awful bitch then he can thank his lucky stars that he'd never encountered morris sullivan.

he'd been sleeping well for a while, his arm around andrea's middle, inhaling her fruity shampoo and feeling oddly comforted. it's true that he didn't love andrea, never did. sure, he was attracted to her but it was purely physical. he tried forcing himself to date her but they both knew shit wouldn't last and he knew andrea thanked that travelling job for more than one reason. but now that she was gone and he had screwed up shit all over again, there's dread at the pit of his stomach that never seems to go away. trepidation for the unknown.

his doorbell rings. it's pretty late. ten pm. he's not expecting anybody so he opens the door with caution. elio leans against his door frame, his eyes smoldering and there it is. there's why he was feeling afraid. elio's large and he could break his entire body if he punched his nose and he's so fucking ready to die that he doesn't give two shits.

"you love her." elio says, by way of greeting.

there's really no point denying at this point. "i tried not to, shit's impossible."

"i should punch you for kissing her."

"you should." he's wack and he's tired and elio's huge as hell. there's no point fighting this, he deserves this punch, kissed another man's girl when he had no right to.

"why aren't you stopping me?" elio's not moving and honestly man, this suspense shit is killing him like why isn't elio pouncing on him?

"i deserve it." he says, shrugs.

elio laughs lowly, "you're into some weird shit, you know that? fuckin' masochist."

"you want a beer?" he asks, doesn't know what the hell elio is up to but he decides to indulge him. elio shurgs, steps into his house. just two dudes drinking beer. hanging out. chilling.

"wanna know why i didn't punch the living daylights out of you?" elio says when he's halfway through his bottle.

"enlighten me, buddha."