Affliction | ✓

xi | them | 2

her

she's nervous as she makes her way towards his room. when she reaches the door, she freezes and elio gives a light nudge. go, he seems to say, just go. so, she goes.

when she enters, she sees andrea stand up and smile at her, a slow and sad smile. she shakes her head and looks pained. it had been 13 days of radio silence before she had gotten a call from elio saying that he was awake, saying that he had responded, saying that he was alright, he was fucking okay. but, her head's spinning as she takes in the entire room before finally resting her eyes on the bed where he was laying, his head already turned towards her, those obsidian eyes trained on her. she can feel her throat constricting. icantfuckingbreathe, she thinks, all panicky.

"hey, man." elio says, forcefully chipper. "you look awful."

she sees rather than hears his chuckle, she can see the wince in his eyes and a violent cough. "thanks elio, ever the gentleman."

elio winks and bows at him in an overly exaggerated manner. she can see him smiling before his eyes lock onto hers, his smile dimming.

shitshitshit, her mind thinks but outside, she waves. "hey." she says awkwardly, "nice to see you're not dead."

"as delicate as a sledgehammer, girlie." andrea remarks, small grin on her face, she affectionately pats his propped leg. "elio and i'll be waiting outside. i'm sure you guys need to talk."

no! she wants to scream at elio and andrea, don't leave me! but she knows she must face this and andrea gives her a reassuring smile as she exits.

"hey." she says, again. his eyes are still trained on her face and she gulps harshly, tugging her jacket closer as she shuffles forward. "I..." she starts saying but she's interrupted.

"i love you." he says and there's fucking tears in his eyes and her heart hurts. "I know it's stupid, the idea of killing yourself, I know it's cowardly and...I just... I just figured why the hell not? nobody really cared about me and i was so fucking tired of being alone and..." she can hear the frustration in his voice and her heart breaks and cracks listening to the pain in his voice. "...i didn't think I mattered."

"you do," she cries and she's reaching out to cup his cheek. she can feel the tears in her eyes. "you matter so much, I care about you, so does andrea, so does elio. you're cherished," she leans down and kisses his cheek, kisses a healing scar. "you are loved," she kisses the top of his nose. "i love you, too." she says, the finale. she wants to be surprised by the tumble of her words but she's not, part of her always suspected it, always knew that he would hold her within his palms ever since the first time she laid eyes on him

he blinks at her, his mouth slightly agape and then he shuts his eyes and cries. fresh tears streaming down his face.

and she lets him cry, lets him hiccup and hold her hand whilst snot dribbled down his chin and she's not even grossed out, just in pain listening to him hurting, listening to his suffering.

"i love you," she whispers. "i love you, you, you."

***

him

she had to be messing with him, she had to be playing some kind of sick game because what the fuck was she saying? how the fuck could she love him? how, when he destroyed her?

"I..." he says and his voice is so hoarse but he has to say this. "I don't deserve you."

"that's not for you to decide." she says her thumb rubs circles on his cheek and he's in so, so much pain and he just wants to lean upwards and kiss her, kiss her with all the love he has within himself but his head's still healing and he's weak right now.

"how? why?" he asks, his eyes are searching hers but she just smiles so goddamn sadly that he wants to kiss it away. "why would you love me?"

"like you said, i can't help it. maybe i've always loved you, thin line between love and hate and all that." she shakes her head, laughs in a way that sounds so hollow. "and you've changed, you're so wonderful now and mellow and you're wrecked so badly that i just want to help you, just want you to be happy. i don't want you to d-" she chokes, can't finish the sentence.

"i won't do it again," he says, earnestly.

"you always find a way to hurt me, don't you?" she says and she turns away. "you always hurt me, always make me fall for you just to hurt me."

he never, ever fucking wants to be the reason she's hurting. not again, never again. "i didn't intend to." he closes his eyes again. "i thought you'd be happy to see me gone."

"are you crazy?!" she says, seethes. now, she looked downright pissed. "how could you say that knowing we've been on good terms for nearly three months?! all those times you came over? did you think i was fucking stringing you along?" she jabs at his chest, it's painful but he doesn't wince. there's angry tears gathered near the corner of her eyes and he's so irritated that he can't move his arms because there's nothing more he wants to do but wipe those tears away. "did you actually think i didn't care about you, you fucking dipshit?"

she stands up and he's so panicked that she'd leave that his entire body reacts to her, it hurts so goddamn much, the physical pain but he pushes himself upwards. "please, please, please don't leave!" he shouts.

"jesus!" she exclaims, goes towards him, pushes him downwards so he's laying down again. "what the hell is wrong with you?"

"stay." he whispers, the pain's spreading through his spine and he knew it was a bad idea to get up but worth it. "please."

"i'm not going to leave you again." she holds his hand in hers. "never again."

"good." he closes his eyes, wants to rest a bit. "'m in lub wiv you." he mumbles, thoroughly exhausted. "'m so sowwe."

"shh, baby, i know." he can feel her fingers on his bald scalp and she runs her fingers on it, soothing. "sleep."

and when he wakes, he'll see her sprawled on his bed with him, fingers entwined with each other and he'll smile and smile and he knows they have a million issues to sort out with but there's always another day. he'll lean his head and peck her warm forehead and he'll feel his heart flutter when she will shuffle closer, mumbling incoherent words in her sleep.

i fucking love you, he'll think then, fond smile etched on his face.

***

a/n: I know this seems rushed but there's still a lil more left. an epilogue, if you will. I'll explain better then.

and hell yes, they have a million gazillion things to work on esp. considering the fact that HE has serious depressive episodes and SHE hated him up until two months ago.

they're not at Happily Ever After yet.

LETS see thoo, more to come.

xx tan