Destiel, Sabriel, samifer.. fuck it just all of the ships

Sabriel

Sabriel -

Self harm TRIGGER WARNING

It didn't matter what Sam would say to the fallen angel, whenever he saw the pitying look that Dean would give him or how Castiel actively tried to be cheery for the both of them It didn't matter.

He was useless.

He couldn't be a decedent angel, trickster, and he couldn't even die properly.

So when Sam had waited months helping Gabriel like he was a small child (even though he needed the help) it made him feel fuckin useless- even when Sam confessed his feelings and kisses Gabe, he ran and hid in the smallest room he could find.

"Gabriel? Gabe I'm so sorry I shouldn't have ever.." And saw The fallen angel standing there clutching his arm all he could do was run to him and wipe the blood off with a tissue until they got to the bathroom "I'm so sorry Ga-" Sam was cut off

"No I'm sorry that I'm not strong or anything I was before and you shouldn't feel this way towards me because I'm useless"

Sam shook his head "no your not! Your perfect and does this mean I can kiss you again?"

"Yes"

"I love you Gabriel"

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After he saw the blood he got.. Addicted. That's the only way to describe it. The sharp pain of the blade he had found in the bathroom brought him back down to reality whenever it got to be too much, he knew that this was wrong but he couldn't stop. And that's where he made the mistake. They were just doing a simple salt and burn and Gabriel screwed it up almost costing Dean his life "COULD YOU HAVE MOVED ANY SLOWER?" Dean had yelled the moment Gabriel tossed the match into the grave causing the ghost that was choking Dean to dissipate. "I'm- I'm sorry Dean"

"yea well I guess your only human" but Gabriel still heard the "now" that was almost a whisper.

That was the first time. So many other times and he was getting paranoid that Sam would see the scars and finally tell him how useless he was.

He was in the shower when it first happened- Sam had walked in with him and kissed his neck "love you Gabe" put him against he wall and grabbed his hands, pinning them above his head and nibbled his way from Gabriel's neck to his chest backed away glancing at the arms still pinned above them "I love you so much. I'm here for you" Gabriel smiled and wrapped his arms around the taller man's neck and pulled him down to his level to kiss. It didn't occur to him later that Sam had been looking at his arms in the shower. Fuck he'd have to be more careful.. The last thing he wanted was for Sam to pity him.

It was a few weeks later when they finally had the whole place to themselves Sam did something. "Hey Gabe? Could you come here for a minute? I got something to show you." When Gabriel walked into the bedroom Sam was nowhere to be seen but something was on the bed. Oh no, please no... On the bed lay a letter and a Baggie with the razor in it. Shaking he sat on the bed to read Sam's goodbye note. He KNEW IT! When Sam saw how broken he was he left.. He picked up the letter

**Dear Gabriel. I love you

I always will no matter what and I will always be here for you. I'm sorry that you had to resort to this for whatever reason but from now on I will listen more and help you. I know you don't want to be human but if you die.. That's it. No do overs and I don't ever want that for you. You mean the world to me and you deserve to live a long and happy life. We can stop hunting just so we're safer and happier just.. Oh i can't think even as I'm writing this.. Please talk to me.** The paper was scattered with wet marks that were drying and Gabriel swallowed.

Sam wasn't going to leave him, Sam loved him so much he would leave hunting to be with him.

Oh god I fucked up. How could he ever want me anymore?

Gabriel thought as he sat down on the bed. Suddenly hands wrapped around him from behind and Sam pressed a kiss to his ear "I'm so sorry I didn't see it earlier Gabe, I'll always be here for you."

Moving the Baggie Sam sat down next to him "I knew before the showers." He admitted making Gabriel confused "how?"

"I realized you were acting differently so when you were sleeping I checked and I saw the cuts.. I should have said something- stopped Dean from being such a ass but I was afraid you would think I was coddling you." Sam said wrapping his arms around Gabriel.

"You're not leaving?" The smaller man said making Sam shake his head furiously "Never! The only way I'm going to stop loving you is if you stop loving me Gabe" he said moving to lay at the head of the bed and pulling Gabriel with him "I wish I could hold you like this forever so you never doubt anything again and I know that this is a addiction but whenever you fell like you have to cut, come find me and we'll talk it out so you won't feel like that anymore. Alright?"

"Al-alright Sam.... Although I don't know how you stand me sometimes"

"Well it's mostly because we can't cuddle standing up" the hunter said laughing but turned serious "people do crazy things for love.. Including never giving up"

"Thank you"

"Nothing to thank me for. I love you" Sam said pressing a kiss to Gabriel's temple and pulling him closer.