playing god

twenty five || don't believe

"i know you don't believe me, but the way i, way i see it..."

—

New Chat

ptcruiser added yelyah to the chat

ptcruiser added tyorkie to the chat

ptcruiser added jermbeats to the chat

ptcruiser added heyjosh to the chat

ptcruiser named the chat urgent

ptcruiser: guys

ptcruiser: fucking...

ptcruiser: tell me it's not true

ptcruiser: tell me right fucking now, i swear to god

jermbeats: its true

ptcruiser: no... fuck, no

ptcruiser: no

heyjosh: What? What's happening, Zac?

ptcruiser: it was on the news a few minutes ago

ptcruiser: a fucking

ptcruiser: a car accident. they were all in it

ptcruiser: are you okay??

jermbeats: im alright, a broken leg

ptcruiser: fuck... what about them??

jermbeats: ....i was the least injured

jermbeats: im so fucking...

jermbeats: i was driving. this is all my fucking fault. fuck me. fuck

heyjosh: Don't blame yourself, Jeremy.

jermbeats: and why the hell not? i did this to us and now taylor and hayley are both dying and im just sitting around with a broken leg doing shit all

jermbeats: jesus christ

ptcruiser: dont, jerm. this isn't your fault, okay?

jermbeats: i was speeding

ptcruiser: everybody speeds

jermbeats: i was going so fast. i knew it wasn't safe. i just wanted to save hayley

heyjosh: Save her?

ptcruiser: what?? what do you mean save hayley?

jermbeats: fuck, nothing. you don't need to hear this right now

heyjosh: Jeremy, I swear to god if you don't tell us right now...

jermbeats: no, you don't need it

ptcruiser: i need taylor to be okay, i need hayley to be okay, but im not getting that right now am i? we don't always get what we need, okay? just fucking tell us jeremy

jermbeats: she was bleeding. a lot. she needed to go to the hospital and i was justworried we wouldn make it in time

heyjosh: She was... bleeding?

jermbeats: she....

jermbeats: okay.

jermbeats: she tried to kill herself

ptcruiser: no..... no.

ptcruiser: oh jesus, no

jermbeats: they said they don't know if it's going to be her internal injuries or her bleeding that's going to

ptcruiser: going to what?

ptcruiser: jeremy, please. god, please

jermbeats: that's going to kill her in the end

ptcruiser: but shes not going to die

ptcruiser: they're not just giving up on her

jermbeats: no, they won't, i won't let them.

jermbeats: i won't let her

jermbeats: im sorry, i have to go, taylor's waking up

heyjosh: It's because of us, isn't it? She did it because of our statement?

jermbeats: i gotta go

ptcruiser: josh.... i fucking....

heyjosh: I knew it.

heyjosh: I was angry. I believed all that shit. But it doesn't matter. None of it ever mattered. Fuck, Hayley... I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

ptcruiser: josh im in your driveway

heyjosh: What? Go away, Zac

ptcruiser: no

ptcruiser: we're going to the hospital

-

life is a precious thing, isn't it? so fragile, so full of potential for the most unimaginable amounts of emotion or pain or happiness or success, whatever that may be. so valued and cherished by some, so loathed and unwanted by others. and it is almost always other people who value a life more than the person living it. and that, i think, is a beautiful thing, however unfortunate it may be.

i am truly sorry for turning such an innocent book into what it has become, but my past self was evidently not capable of writing anything without bleeding into it. i'm sure it would be different now, which is precisely why i don't need to write anymore.