Dangerous Illusions

Chapter Seven: Recon Part Two

Linx lay with Kiy tucked against his side, his large arm coming around to rest against the boy's side. Silent tears streamed down his face as a lifetime of memories flooded his mind. Some beautiful. Some heartbreaking. Some he saw now with more clarity than ever before. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" He didn't expect an answer. He didn't get one. "Fuck." His chest burned with everything he felt in that moment. Guilt along the top; though he wasn't sure why. He knew logically he had no reasoning behind that particular emotion. But there it was nonetheless. He wanted to scream. He wanted to rage. Instead, he silently allowed himself to release the pain. "Why didn't you trust me, Kiy? After all this time..." And that's what it boiled down to, isn't it? That ultimate pain he felt radiating throughout his being, pinging around like a pinball across his heart. A lifetime together and he didn't trust him. Linx sat up, untangling himself from Kiy's small frame. He felt Kiy stir behind him and sit up. His breath hitched as he felt hands running up his back to clasp his shoulders. Hands he remembered with such clarity, he closed his eyes against the sensations.

"It isn't that I didn't trust you, warrior," he said from behind him, his hands now sliding slowly down his arms. Linx let out a mournful sob, his head dropping; chin to chest.

"What else could it be? If not trust, what then?" His voice was no more than a shaky whisper, afraid that if he spoke too loudly Kiy would be gone.

"My own fear. My own shame."

"Fear of what, Kiy?" His voice was so tight it hurt to force the words from his throat. "Fear of my leaving you? Fear of being alone? Fear of what I might think?" He swallowed.

"I never blamed you, my warrior. Please, find me." The pressure of his hands were then suddenly gone and he knew then whatever it was that always appeared before him had also vanished.

Four weeks remained of the ninety day deadline and Linx was beginning to feel the pressure of that approaching day. Zim and Maddox had been working tirelessly in their research to find something...anything to aid them in getting Kiy back. Linx dragged his hand over his face, turned and looked at the boy who lay sleeping soundly. "Fuck," Linx said, his voice cracking, his vision blurring. He slipped from the room. Slipped from the house. And in the quiet of the night, mourned everything he thought he ever had.

"Linx?" Linx looked up at the sound of his name, stopping his process in bending wood for bows to hunt with.

"What is it, Kiy?" His mood had been sour all day and mostly everyone kept their distance from him. When the boy didn't answer, Linx glanced back up to see him biting his lower lip, tears running down his face. Upon seeing Kiy's distressed posture, Linx sighed lightly through his nose and gently set his tool and half-made bow down at his feet. He felt like a prick. He knew he had been acting like one, but today he didn't seem to be able to keep himself in check, his own fears and emotions running rampant as his worry for Kiy, both man and child, amounted closer and closer to insurmountable. Linx reached for him like he'd done so many times before, and felt his heart break when the frightened child cried out and jumped backward. "Ah, Kiy." He dropped his hand and looked at him, his eyes showing a pain that was clear to Kiy, no matter how confusing it may be to him. "I'd never hurt you."

Through his sobs he asked, "Why are you so mad at me then?"

Linx swallowed hard around the knot in his throat. "I'm not mad at you."

"Yes, huh," he accused. "Y-you've been mad all day. Y-you yelled at me." This last bit was said with such betrayal Linx felt it soul deep.

"I'm sorry, Kiy." He dropped his head in his hands and took a deep breath. "None of this is your fault. And I'm really sorry I've been such an asshole to you today."