Dangerous Illusions

Chapter Eight: Birthday

He awoke that morning alone, the sheets cold next to him. He knew what day it was and the fear that accompanied his awakening made it difficult to breathe.

In his mind a war waged between his deepest fears and his own logic. "Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down." He repeated this mantra to himself without success. He didn't want to walk out into the main room already distraught over things he logically knew wouldn't happen. Everything pointed to him being safe  now. All evidence suggested that Linx would rather take his own life than hurt him. But even as these thoughts raced throughout his mind, his pulse picked up speed and breathing was becoming more and more difficult. He opened the door to silence. Walking out into the main room he found it empty save Maddox, who was carving something out of a block of wood. She looked up upon his entry and smiled.

"Hey, sleepy head. Decided to finally wake up, huh?" He nodded and climbed into her lap. She leaned back with him close to her breast and kissed his forehead. "Happy birthday, my love."

He smiled lightly. "Thanks. Where are Linx and Zim?"

Maddox glanced out the window, a sad look coming to her eye. "I'm not quite sure, kiddo. They left earlier this morning." Maddox sighed lightly and played with the soft strands of his hair, watching his face fall with her answer.

"Oh," was his only reply.

"Ready to head back?" Zimmer asked as they paused their stride.

Linx sighed. "No. But we probably should." Looking at the suns, he said, "He's probably awake by now."

"Linx," Zim called and as began to walk away. Linx stopped but didn't turn around, his head hanging. Zim walked up next to his friend, his hand sliding up to rest along Linx's shoulders. "Man...I understand that you're upset about what's going on...but you can't avoid him. Avoiding him will only amplify his abandonment fears and his fears that you for some reason won't love him anymore."

"What am I supposed to do, Zim? I'm fucked regardless of what I do. If I stay with him today and tonight, he's going to be terrified and thinking I'm going to take him..." His voice thickened and waivered, his eyes burning against the memories. "I don't know how I managed to do it the first time, Zimmer. I loved him then but I love him so much more now. And I know now...gods, I know now..."

"So take that knowledge and face it. Eliminate his fears and put this to rest. Bring him back and end this!" Zim gripped his upper arm and spoke forcefully. More forcefully than he had ever spoken to his commanding officer in their history.

"How?"

"Let him feel what you feel. All of it. Let...let him *see* it."

Linx looked up at him, his eyes shining and full of fear. "I've never done that before, Zim."

"Well, there's no time like the present. Now...let's go back and give the kid a birthday."

Linx nodded, took a deep breath, composing himself and nodded. "Okay."

Maddox was still holding Kiy when Zimmer and Linx walked back into the cabin. Kiy looked up as they came inside, his little arms immediately reaching out to Linx. "Hey, little man. Don't look so sad, huh." Linx wiped away stray tears from his cheeks.

Kiy looked up and sniffled, reaching up to do the same. "You, either."

Linx brokenly smiled and said, "How about we start celebrating your birthday. We've all got something for you." Kiy smiled and nodded, his eyes lighting up. Linx smiled back at him and took a seat next to Maddox, Kiy still firmly gripping Linx so as to not be put down.

"Happy birthday, Kiy," Maddox said with a smile as she pulled an object from her inside pocket.

Kiy reached out his hand, his mouth agape at the gift. "Wow." The object was a small dagger. The blade was made out of something similar to quartz, sharpened to a very fine point, each side ground down to create a double-edged weapon. "It's beautiful. You'll teach me how to use it?"