A Cutter's Lullaby (Chris Motionless Story)

Chapter 26

I ended up avoiding Chris and everyone I worked with like the plague for a week, the only person I spoke with was Shelby and I was fine with that. I can't help being angry and upset about all of this, I mean on one hand there's Jessie. He looks at me like he's nervous about something all the time and I know why, I guess I was just stupid to think I could trust him, that he might be able to deal with what's wrong with me. Then there's Chris, the person I'm more pissed off at than anyone else at this moment. I don't know what he has in his head to make him think it's okay to play around with me like this, he of all people should know better. I thought he brought me here to help me get better, to get over my needs to self harm, but I guess I was wrong about that too.

Despite all that I had been missing my brother so I decided to call him on my off day, it was the perfect way to ignore the outside world and I'm sure Shelby is tired of seeing me so much anyway.

"Hello?" Bobby picks up after the fourth ring.

"Hey Bobby."

"Oh hey Nicky, how's everything going?"

For a moment I pondered on whether or not to tell him all that has happened in the time I've lived here, but at the same time I'm worried that he would demand that I move back as soon as possible and I didn't want that. I can't go back now. So I choose to leave out the bad parts. "It's been going pretty good, I've been really busy with college and the new job I just got."

"That's good to hear, I'm glad you're liking it there." He tells me with a smile clearly in his tone. 

I wish I could be as happy as he seems to think I am, but I have to let him think that I am no matter how hard it is. We ended up talking for two or so hours, catching up on how he, Sam, and our father were doing. According to Bobby the last time he was at our dad's house he already had one of his girlfriends moved in, typical. Other than that talking to my brother made me feel much better than I have lately, but when he had to go I felt myself sink back a tiny bit. Afterwards I decided to go to the kitchen for a drink.

I grabbed a can of vanilla Coke from the fridge, cracking it open and took a sip before I heard someone clear their throat behind me. 

"Can you toss me one?" Chris asked quietly.

I did just that and then questioned, "Can I have a minute with you?"

He opened his soda with a loud pop saying, "Sure, I guess."

I choose to just get straight to the point, "Would you mind telling me why you kissed me?"

I couldn't believe that he had the nerve to roll his eyes as he said, "It was an accident."

"Like hell it was." I argued and then added, "No one does something like that on accident."

"It was a mistake, okay?" He snapped.

"Okay, fine, I get that. Just tell me why." I demanded.

His voice turned into a soft growl as he starred straight into me, "Where you hoping you meant something more to me Nicole?"

Shock rattled me to the core, I can't believe that he just said that. What kind of person am I really dealing with? It seems that the more I get to know this side of Chris the more I want to run away from him, this isn't the person I look up to, the person I can't stop myself from falling for. Is this man really just a lie?

I shove past him and head to my room for my bag, deciding that I needed out of this apartment as soon as possible. Upon exiting the place I didn't hear a single sound from Chris as I slammed the door behind me. I fought back the tears that were welling up in my eyes as I walked down the sidewalk aimlessly. It didn't take long for the phone in the back of my jeans to buzz and I assumed it was Chris until I saw that it was from Ryan. 

'Hey if you aren't busy you should drop by for a bit so we can hang out before leaving for tour tomorrow.' It read.

I quickly wrote back, 'Since when did you guys find out you're going on tour?'

'Like two weeks ago. Did Chris not tell you?'

'No he didn't. I'll be over in a few minutes since I'm already walking around.'

'Weird. Well I'll see you in a bit.'

I put the cellphone back where it came from and turned down the street to make my way to Ryan's, he didn't live to far from Chris's. Several minutes later I'm knocking on his front door and Allie opens it with a smile on her face.

"Hey Nicky!" She greets me cheerfully, but then I notice her smile falter slightly and I wonder why. She clears it up by asking, "Hun why are your eyes all red and puffy? Have you been crying? What's wrong?"

She pulls me inside to the couch, urging me to explain. I'm afraid to do just that because I worry that she might tell Lily and then Lily could get mad at Chris, I don't want the backlash I know I would get from that. Especially now.

I shrug, "Just allergies."

"Aw you poor thing." She says with a slight pout.

Ryan finally steps in the room giving us a warm smile, "Hey Nick."

I waved at him with my usual small smile, those are easier to fake for me. I was quick to make sure the attention wasn't on me as I asked, "So how long are you guys going to be on tour?"

"Until mid June, I think we should be back by the 20th."

"Isn't that really close to your birthday?" Allie asks me.

I nod.

"Maybe that's why Chris didn't tell you. He probably didn't want you to be sad about it being so close."

I shrug again, "Yeah I guess that could be why."

I wish that was the reason, but it seems the more time I spend with him the more Chris hates me and I don't know how to deal with it.

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Wow it seems that every time I update this it seems to get more and more popular, which is crazy. But yeah thanks everyone! I'm sorry if this was short and shit, but these upcoming chapters will certainly make up for it, I can promise you that.

Also the chapter song is one of my favorites by one of my favorite bands (besides MIW of course). It's Avatar's Paint Me Red.

If you've never heard of Avatar, give them a listen, they are well worth it. :)

P.S. : I saw MIW and Avatar today, so this day has been amazing!