A Cutter's Lullaby (Chris Motionless Story)

Chapter 28

Motionless in White's tour ended a day ago in Florida so I knew that they would be back at any moment. I was happy about seeing everyone, well almost everyone. I was still dreading the idea of Ricky throwing me a birthday party, I just didn't think it would end well but sadly my birthday was tomorrow. Maybe I would get lucky and Rick wouldn't feel up to it from being on tour. At the moment Shelby and I were watching The Devil's Rejects and I had managed to get so into the movie that I didn't notice the sound of the front door unlocking.

"Oh I love this movie." A voice speaks in the dark and suddenly a body plops down next to me, causing me to scream like a baby. When the voice speaks again I realize it's Devin, "Oh thanks Nicole, I'm happy to see you too." 

"Sorry, you scared me."

Shelby pauses the movie and turns on the lamp to see what's going on and when she sees who's next to me she smiles, "Welcome back."

A second later Brandon and Balz step in the apartment and Balz questions, "Why are people screaming in here too?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Who else is screaming?"

Ricky then walks through the door with Ryan and they both have tired expressions on their faces.

Suddenly I hear a loud outburst from downstairs, "You can't be fucking serious!"

"Chris." Rick says in a dead voice.

"What's he shouting about?" Shelby asks with a irritated edge to her tone. 

"He's been fighting with Lily since the tour started." Ryan explained.

I felt a sense of worry and guilt in my gut, this wasn't my fault was it? I started to get up from the couch to go check on him when I hear Shelby's voice behind me.

"Where are you heading off to?"

"I'll be right back." I murmur as I step out the open door.

I spot Chris pacing the parking lot with his phone clutched in his hand and even though I'm afraid of what he might say to me I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to make sure he's alright. 

"Are you alright?" I ask cautiously as I approach him.

I was surprised that he only quietly shook his head and I noticed how tired he looked, so I told him, "Just wait right here for a second."

He did nothing at that, so I quickly went back into the apartment to tell everyone, "Hey guys Chris is gonna come up here and I don't think you want to deal with him right now, he seems pretty upset."

The boys left easily enough, Ryan and Balz surprisingly gave me hugs as they said goodbye. Shelby on the other hand stood right where she had been a minute ago.

"You want to come back to my house?" She asks.

I shake my head no, "It's starting to get late, so I'm just going to stay here."

I watched worry flash in her eyes, "Are you sure? No one said you can't spend the night."

"I'll be fine, I just want to tell him that I might be moving out soon."

Her face lit up at that, "Really? Oh Nick this is gonna be awesome! We can start over fresh and it'll be so fun!"

I smiled at her excitement and after that she was alright with leaving me here, telling me that if I needed anything to call her. When the place was empty I stepped back outside to find Chris sitting on the sidewalk, so I went down to him and offered him a hand up.

When we made our way up the stairs Chris asked, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

I shrugged and in a small voice I said, "Because you're my friend." 

His face fell as we walked through the door and he began to speak, "I don't see how you can even want to call me that after everything I've done to you."

"I guess I just know how to forgive people." I murmur as I make my way to my room deciding that now wouldn't be a good time to tell him that I might possibly be moving out soon.

This shouldn't be such a big deal for me considering that I knew I would be doing this eventually anyway right from the start of coming to Scranton. Why does it have to bother me so much now?

"Nick, wait a second. I need to talk to you, well apologize actually."

I turned around to face him, staying right where I was in the darkened hallway saying, "Alright."

He came a bit closer to where I stood and let out a deep breath before beginning to speak, "The past few weeks on tour I've had plenty of time to think about a lot of shit. I want you to know that if I hurt you or confused you in any way I'm truly sorry. Even if it didn't seem like it Lily and I had been fighting a bunch and I ended up taking it out on you when I fucking shouldn't have. I'm so sorry for that. I did all that shit because I was so pissed at her and I wasn't thinking straight at all. I knew you already had a lot going on with Jessie as it was and I should've just backed off. I understand if you don't want to forgive me, I've already asked that from you to many times as it is."

The words that come out of my mouth shock me, because even though they are true I couldn't believe I am admitting this either. "I think I'll always forgive you."

A small sad smile came over his face and he came over to me, wrapping his arms around my shorter frame. As he pressed his face against my shoulder I had no option but to breathe him in. I think no matter where I go in this life nothing will ever smell this intoxicating again. I will never be able to get this man out of my lungs and maybe even my heart. I don't think he will ever understand that. That's why I hate when he touches me because I like it too much and I know I will always want more until there is nothing left to take.

With these sort of thoughts in my brain I knew that I had to break the silence, "So are you and Lily okay?"

"We broke up." He mumbled.

"What?" I demanded jerking slightly in his hold, but he kept his arms around me despite this.

"That's what I was just on the phone about."

"So she broke up with you over the phone? That's bull shit!"

I felt him shrug against me, "There's nothing I can do about it."

"I'm so sorry Chris." I tell him as I grip him tighter.

"It's okay."

"No, no it's not okay. I know how you are."

I listened to him sigh softly, "We'll worry about this in the morning. I know you don't like surprises so I'm letting you know now that Ricky is throwing you a surprise party tomorrow."

"On my actual birthday? That's not much of a surprise." I say in the attempt of a joke.

He laughed slightly, "That's what I told him. Well you better get some sleep."

With that he finally let me go, but before I went to my bedroom I said, "Hey, we're going to be alright, okay?"

He gives me another ghost of a smile. "I hope you're right."

Yeah, so do I.

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Alright people I figure it's time to let you know this story is on it's last legs, that's right it's almost done. So even though I've asked before, how do you think this is going to end now?