Figuring You Out

Chapter Nineteen

"Wait, wait, its my Dad wait," I say, in between short breaths of laughter at Liam's annoyance at his losing. He scowls and pauses the game as I answer my phone.

"Hi, Dad,"

"Where are you?" he asks, his tone near panicked.

"At Liam's calm down,"

"Alright, I want you back by eight, ok?"

"I have rugby in an hour, I'll come home straight after?"

"Alright," he relents, I wait not wanting to say anything else that might piss him off, "Sorry, Olly. I have a huge rewrite to do, I'm not in the best of moods,"

"So, the emergency meeting didn't go so well then,"

"Not in the slightest," he sighs, I can hear him typing already, "I'll see you when you get home, ok. I'll be in my office,"

"I'll be quiet when I come in," I say, just as I notice Liam has started the game and I essentially killing my character, I try to communicate my annoyance through mime but he bursts out laughing at my pantomime, "I'll see you later, Dad," I try, abruptly ending the call and picking up my controller whilst shouting at Liam.

"Right, ok, come on, before Coach busts a gut because we are twenty seconds late," he says, abruptly ending the game just as I was about to slaughter him, in the game, of course.

"Fine," I say, moving towards my bag stuffed full of kit and slinging it around my shoulders as Liam does the same.

"Coming for pizza after?" Liam asks as he grabs two bottles of water from the kitchen.

"Nah, Dad wants me home," I say, leaning on the side of his countertop.

"Liam, Nathan is studying so no pizza tonight, please," his mum calls from the lounge, which is only a few feet away. Liam pulls a face but throws me a water and we head out towards the Tube because we couldn't be arsed to run to training and it was raining.

"Boys, I'm not waiting around here all day so come on," Coach booms, we roll our eyes as Bram strolls in with an unusually large smirk.

"What's wrong with you?" I laugh, pushing on my boots.

"Me and Olivia Brennings-"he did a very graphic gesture that informed us that Bram and this Olivia girl were at it like rabbits last night. I cringe, roll my eyes and turn my attention back to tying my rugby shoes, "What about you two then? How are you on the action front?"

"We have some self respect," Liam says coldly.

"You're saying I don't just because I had sex," Bram accuses heatedly, squaring up to Liam, I stand and put myself in between them both it was unlike Liam to get violent but it has been known to happen, "Well come on then, Walkers," Bram challenges, I push him back slightly with my forearm whilst keeping a close eye on Liam.

"You're not worth it," Liam states turning away from him, I remain between them not sure whether I trust either of them.

"Lack of testosterone? Or are you batting for the other team? Gay boy,"

The words sink in like a ton of bricks and I'm frozen, I don't move or say anything because I can't, I can't feel anything and I think that this is what it must be when somebody dies but I think somebody has- the Oliver that had hope that his family would accept him. I stare at the boy in front of me, his dark brown eyes with nothing but hate and I fear they are a reflecting my own. I can't process what he said but neither can I react to it. feel this kind of hate and resentment towards him but I don't do anything or really feel anything to provoke any emotional reaction.

I'm snapped back into reality by Liam's comment, "I'm not gay but not that its any of your concern,"

"Fuck you,"

"Mature," I snap, at Bram before joining Liam who is leaving the changing rooms and moving towards the pitch, I jog to catch up with him and pull at the cuff of his shirt as I do, "You ok?"

"Not really," he snaps, breaking into a jog and then a sprint which I follow breathlessly Liam was by far the quickest on the team and it was infuriating at times like this because he could just charge off with no one for awhile. How I wish I could do that.

"Liam, wait a sec," I call, as he races ahead of me, "Liam just wait," I run harder but I'm beginning to feel like I've run a marathon, "Liam, for God's sake just wait a minute,"

He stops this time as I catch up, I stare at him for a moment, "He's an arsehole,"

"Yeah," I say.

"I'm not gay by the way," he states, he's not defensive his tone is soft and genuine and it makes my heart break a little.

"I wouldn't care if you were," I strain, slightly distressed by the fact a sexuality can change our friendship, "but I believe you,"

"He's just...."

"An arsehole?" I offer breathlessly, he lets out a single laugh.

"Yeah. That." I push my arm around his shoulders as we walk towards the bottom pitch where Coach is shouting at us because we are being too slow. I am walking through a muddy rugby pitch with my best friend and talking about sexuality, yet I still don't have the courage to tell him but I couldn't risk ruining this. I couldn't risk losing my home, my family, my life. Yet, a part of me can't help but wonder what is life without a little risk?