The Wolves Howling In My Head

Train of Thought

Waking Thoughts
"Oh yeah, the bracelet,
Better than nightmares.
Don't wear it in shower.
I miss her."

Shower Thoughts
"Should I even text her good morning?
Yeah, be nice, maybe she'll love you then."
"I feel disgusting. I miss when I felt attractive, she made me feel attractive."
"Think about prom. Why? Just do it. Fine. I hesitated for a second and he swooped in. He knew what was happening. He was prepared to have me fall."
"Did they fuck after prom? She said she'd fuck me after prom. Great, horny for something terrible."
"I told her no about him when she asked, but she begged until I caved. That's not right. If I didn't have would she have cheated on me with him? I'd never cheat on her."
"I'm getting angry, I need to calm down. I really want to punch something. Don't. Write poems or do some archery. Won't help for long, but it's something to stall the thoughts."

The Daily Thoughts
"Should I go to her graduation? Probably not. But I want her at mine, so it's only fair. I'm the only one who was being fair."
"What about the tattoo. Do I want the memory of my first tattoo being with her? Maybe I should get one before we go. Or maybe not show up? No, that's rude."
"Maybe I should just give up and download tinder or something. No, that's admitting defeat, plus I'd feel like a slut."
"Why am I waiting on her? She isn't gonna wait on me. Will we get together again during or after college? Probably not."
"I graduate in 3 years, she'll be graduating in 4. Maybe I can wait for her then? No, that's stupid, I'd be wasting my time."
"Man, I wasted my money and time on her. $200+ dollars. I really want those back, although, it wouldn't be good to give them to anyone else used."
"I wonder if he gets to use it on her? Probably. Lucky bastard."

Thoughts of Them
"She didn't show that behavior until she met him. It could be psychosomatic."
"That doesn't make a difference. Mental psychosomatic disorders are different than physical. Physical, you can convince them they don't have it by the symptoms. Mental, no one knows for sure, so it's gotta be treated as real, to her it is real"
"She'd probably get mad at that thought. But it's valid. Sociopaths pick up behaviors, and it makes emotions make better sense. Regardless, it's real now."
"Why didn't she tell me she stopped loving me? Why have Layla break me?"
"I hate Layla. But I still love her too. Why? Because she's a part of her. Right."
"What did I do for her to hate me? I did nothing wrong."
"I tried so hard to make peace."
"Would this have happened if she hadn't met him? I don't know."

Thoughts at Night
"Horny? Again? Gross."
"Shouldn't think of her, it's wrong. Sadly, the only thing that works."
"Done."
"Man I want kids. Not even my kids, her kids. I mean, they'd be my kids too. That ain't happening anymore."
"She'll probably have kids with him, or some dude she met in college."
"I need to stop thinking about her."
"Don't forget the bracelet. It's better than nightmares."