Forever Hiding

Failing To Be

        Jumping to the right nealry missing his pounce. Clearly shocked he quickly regained his composure and lunged for us again. This time colliding with my left side knocking me on the ground. Pawing and clawing at my body. Trying my hardest to dodge the hits to my face. I could his claws digging into my face and nack. The blood welling and spilling out. Pushing my hind legs into his stomach i pushed hard sending him flying back. I quickly got to my feet ready to face the next. Hunching down waiting, playing his game of wills. I couldn't  wait any longer, I lunged for him. He dodged it to jump on my back. Bitting down on the scruff of my neck. I yelped out, bucking trying to throw him off me. 

        "Alexanderia calm down. He is wanting to dominate us." I could hear Athena but her words did not sink in. Shaking my head trying to break his hold. The pain doubling almost unbearable. Trying one last time i stood on my hind legs knocking us to the ground. The impact breaking his hold. Athena realizing our chance pushed us. Off we ran into the opposite direction. My vision was blurring. Everything was becoming a haze."Alexanderia let me take control." Athena coaxed me. I didnt protest. I could feel my self slipping. I could feel myself subcoming to the pain.

        I could feel myself coming to sometime later on. The pain was there but duller and as a burning ache. "Athena." I asked shakily.

      " Oh Alex..thank the moon goddess!" I could feel her excitment. Her worry washing away.

     "How long was i gone?" I asked.

      "A day and a half. I've kept us safe and hidden while our wounds heal. You did a brave thing taking on a feral wolf like that. We have some wounds that are healing slowly." She said sighing. I tried standing up. Shaking and wobbling doing so. Finally standing feel drained with the effort. I looked around us. We were tucked away in a tree trunk. Step by step i made our way out of the tree listening closely to the sounds around us. Hearing the birds in the sky, the wind and the small animals scattering about, i moved all the way out of the tree trunk. Lifting my nose i smelled the air needing to find water. The wind blowing towards us, i caught the faint smell of water coming from the north. Heading in that direction, each step i could feel the burn of my wounds. Trotting, listening, ignoring the pain. The trees were tall and covered in moss but they were almost bare. The sky was a grey as if a storm was coming. The sky was clouded. Finally reaching the small pond. Stopping at the edge i waited listening for any sign of danager. Realizing it was clear i wandered out to the edge. I bowed my head wincing at the pain. Drinking greedily. Finally having my fill i laid there letting the pain from my wounds, the being of losing my family, the pain of being alone in this world, fearing the unknown consume me. Whimpering as the pain rolled through me i was alone. My father, my mother and brothers were gone. They died protecting me, saving me. I don't deserve that. I don't deserve to be alive. I should be with them. I should have died with them during the fight.

        "Alexanderia please don't think like that." Athena whimpered. I could feel her pain of our loss. My despair growing by the second. I laid there watching the sun go down and then peek through the sky. Not wanting to move. Athena trying to move us, to take control but i wouldn't let her. Closing my eyes drifting off to sleep, hoping to fade with time. Days began to pass and i wouldn't move i couldn't move. My weight started dropping the hunger pains were there cramping sides every few minutes. Small animals were no longer afraid to wander next to us. "No more Alexanderia!" Athena yelled and with that she broke my control. I crawled into the deepest corner of our mind and blocked myself in.

        Pain. Shame. Pain. More shame. My family was dead. Gone forever. Alone. Forever. Athena has tried to break through to me. I couldn't. I just couldn't let go. I've been gone for weeks? Months? I honestly dont know.

        "Alexanderia..please let me in. I'm here for you. I'm apart of you." Athena's voice was laced with pain. Making me cringe further into the dark. Mom..i missed her so much.. Her warm smothering hugs. Her laugh. Her cooking. I missed her. I missed my dad. I missed his bear hugs. His stuble and how it would tickle me when he'd kiss my forehead. His training lessons. His picking on Mike, Desile, and Dray. I missed Mike. Missed his grizzley bear size. his rumble of a laugh. Him making me hot chocolate. I missed him picking on me. I missed Desile. I missed the piggy back rides through the house. HIm building blanket forts with me. Missed his blue eyes always shinning bright with love. I missed Dray. Missed how he would wake me up to watch the sunrise. Missed playing save the princess with him. how if i had a nightmare he would let me get into bed with him. I missed my home.

        "Athena." I croaked out.

        "Aleaxanderia thank you. Thank you i thought you were lost forever." I could feel her love wash through me. Whimpering.

        "I want to go home." I couldn't help but whimper.

        "I know but we can't. They most likely found our clothes and caught our scent. We have to keep moving. Keep hidding." I crawled back to my corner of my mind. I didn't want to do this. Im tired of running of hidding.

        "Alexanderia..Alex we are coming up to the border of a pack. I can smell their scents. Its a large pack. We are gonna have to try and sneak through. I don't see another way." I nodded in understanding. " We'll wait till dark." Athena said turning around and finding us safety for the time being. " We most be quick. Cover our scent and tracks. Be ready to fight. We can trust no one." Our wounds had healed and in their place were scars from our first fight. We found brush and decide to lay there for the time. Laying there watching the sun sink behind the treeline. We waited even longer waiting till it was pitch black. Standing to our feet i went to find a mudhole. Finding one digging into it, rolling in to it, rubbing the mud in. Pushing to our feet edging to the border. Waiting, smelling and alert. Sensing the coast was clear we ran. Darting over the border into pack territory. Running as fast as we could running into a clearing. Half way through the sound off paws hitting off the ground made me push myself even harder. Not a second longer i was hit with such a brute force knocked the wind out of me. There standing before me was a bitch block wolf. Growling circling me. I got up following suit. I was not going to be hurt. Circling each other. Growling waiting for a movement. Except his was wanting to play the game of wills, he just lunged. Teeth sinking into my shoulder blade. Yelping out in pain. Reaching around i bit down of his ear drawing blood. He let go shaking me off. Backing up to lunge forward again. I flinched. I made a mistake. I left my neck open. He's going for the kill. Locking down on my throat. I could feel his teeth digging further into my neck. I could feel my life source spilling out of me. I could feel the freedom of death approaching me.

        "Alexanderia change now!" Athena yelled. I was to exhausted. I could feel her retreating. Could feel her warmth slip a little. That's when i blacked out.