Black Catz

Chapter Four - "Focus, Hopeless, Focus"

"So where do you come from?" asks the man opposite of Oso.

"The other side of the Wall," I reply.

"What part?"

"North Violet," I say.

"Yeah, and I bet you all have legal cops there too?" he asks, the unknown stranger, laughingly, then looking back at the men behind him. They all burst-out in a convulsion of laughter.

This reply has seemed to have caused a pretentious-aura to circle around us, making its presence known automatically.

Then, as I'm thinking about the aura, and what they might be thinking of me, one of the other men behind the first stranger that first directed himself towards me, makes his opinion known on what I believed he would make his opinion known on: his thoughts—along with the others—on me.

"Fucking legal cops not doing it for you sweetart?" he snorts.

And before I can answer, Oso intercepts:

"Hey! Come on, we don't have much time!" he says.

"Listen, Oso--if we're going to hit the East gate of the branch, we're going to need to do it at night. That shit is covered twenty-four seven throughout the day."

"I know. But how many people do we need?"

"About twenty, I'd say."

"Congo and Ludivina -"

Hey, he didn't say "miss divine".

"Can stay back and cover any fire we might receive in the trucks."

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On the other side of the wall, you should know, the side I'm from, Moritz believes that I'll be there for Fall training; he also believes that I'll go to the movies with him this weekend; and that we'll carry on with our usual weekly routine, because nothing is wrong. But I won't be doing that—any of that. None of it. I wish I was, however.

I wish I could also tell Moritz about this. Now, living all this--even the few I have lived--I feel bad for taking everything I had on the other side for granted: all the things Moritz and I consistently complained about, all the reasons we think we need to "take the edge off" after school, or after a family dinner, or simply after—what we believed to be—a "bad day"; all those reasons are ridiculous when I see what these people need to do just to live safe. How a community can put away the dead like we did with Felix earlier today.

That doesn't matter though. All that matters, is what's going on now; what I have to live now.

"Ludivina!" shouts Oso, snapping me from my daydream.

Shoot! Did I really just do that?

"Like divine?" asks the man.

Oh, great. Here we go - again. And again. And Again.

"Yes!" I snap.

"Okay," he replies, bored and fearless, probably knowing I might just die soon and he won't have to put up with me and all this anger a few hours from now.

"Why are we doing this?" I ask without wanting to ask.

Oso and the man look at each other.

Then Oso says:

"Because sometimes, the best thing you can do in life, especially in our situation, is laugh as the fire rages on."