Wings of Forever

Fly: Five

Do You Still Believe

Shyrelle's

I don't know where I am heading to right after I went inside my car and drove it. The only thing I am sure of, is that I want to get out of the Metro.

I want to go back home.

It was two am when I left my condo. I did not bring anything with me aside from myself, wallet and car. I left my phone, I want to be free.

I thought I will be going to my parents house, but I found myself standing outside my best friend's old house instead.

"Lola Glors.." I called from the outside. I am wearing my pajamas top with my hoodie jacket and plain pastel pink slippers.

I felt a tear rolled down from my face. My voice is too weak to call for Lola Glors. I was just standing outside their house while the sun is slowly making its way to light up the world.

But why is my life still in darkness if the sun is finally waking up from it's slumber?

I was stunned when the house's gate opened. An old woman, wearing her favourite bestida showed in front of me.

"Shyrelle! Ika pala yan.." I heard her call me, it's been a year after I last saw her. She is one of my favourite Lola even though we are not blood related.

I felt my heart being crashed when I saw her walking closer to where I am standing while her hands are up midway, like she is about to hug me, and so she actually did.

"L-Lola.." I whispered to the air. I lost everything when I felt her warm hug enclosed me. Humagulgol na ako habang nakayakap siya sa aakin.

I felt her tightened her embraced. As if telling me that it is okay not to be okay.

"Shy.. whatever you may be facing right now apo.. I know for a fact that he didn't plan this to happen for nothing. May plano ang Diyos anak.." she told me habang ako naman ay naka kapit sakaniya.

I was already out of myself. Napansin ko nalang na nasa teresa na kami ng bahay at iniaabot niya saakin ang isang tasa ng mainit na kape.

"Mag kape ka muna, pag katapos mamayang gabi ay mag gatas ka naman, mukhang wala ka pang tulog.." naka ngiwi niyang pahayag. If it's just one of those random days, I should have laugh with what she said, but I can't.

She sat on the chair in font of me. "Tell me what happened.." she said. I stared at her for a long time. I tried my best to stop my tears from falling as I started to tell her everything. All of the things that bothered, bothers, and still bothering me. All of the realizations, the pain, deceptions, lies and manipulation they did to wreck my heart who only wanted is to love them so much.

"Am I unworthy of love Lola?" I asked her right after I finished my story. She shook her head.

"You are more than enough hija. More than what they expect you to be. You loved him with all your heart. Let's say it was Gabriel that you first met, but it took you years before you had the courage to even talk with him. But with Archangel, the first time you saw him you gave yourself to him. Maybe anak, it wasn't because you can see Gabriel from him but because you fell in love with him that very moment you have laid your eyes with his.."

"Akala ko ba mahal mo siya? O mahal mo siya dahil akala mo siya ang taong una mong nakilala? Was it only because of the appearance or what that one feels.." she said then pointed my heart. Hindi ako sumagot, it's like my tongue was held hostage by my mouth.

"Just like what you have said apo, Archangel did that because he loves you. It took him years bago niya nasabi sa iyo dahil natatakot siyang mawala ka sakaniya, dahil ikaw lang ang nag iisang taong minahal niya ng ganoon that he was able to do foolish things because he loves you. Have you ever considered what your boyfriend gone through anak before you met him? Before he entered your life? Do you know the full version of the story? If you do then I will not judge you for acting this way. Pero you should know everything first bago ka pumunta dito Shy. I am not siding anyone, I want you to be strong enough to face this storm in your life because God did not allow this to happen if he knows that you cannot over come it. Have you lost your faith in him Shyrelle?.."

For the second time, I wasn't able to answer her question again. I am just staring at her the this whole time. Bakit ganon? Bakit parang punyal na paulit ulit na sinasaksak sa puso ko ang mga salitang binitiwan niya? Bakit paulit ulit akong sinasampal ng mga nais niyang sabihin, ipahiwatig at ipa intindi?

Did I lost my faith?

I asked myself, I felt like warm hands touched mine so I looked at my hands. I thought Lola Glors held them but I saw nothing. I glanced at her and I can see her sipping her mug of milk.

I felt my heart throbbed hundred times faster. Pakiramdam ko ay may yumakap sa akin mula sa aking tabi.

God, Oh heavenly father.. I am deeply sorry for the things I did to you that broke your heart. I became giddy of love, selfish of attention, and demanding for care.

I forgot that there's this one powerful God that I have been with and haven't left my side since I was in my greatest downfalls in life.

I know now why I acted this way when in fact my heart knows that I truly love Archangel. Please, forgive me. I lost my happiness when I lost you.

"You can't never love somebody with all your heart if you do not know how to love yourself and the person who loves you the most, apo.."

I gazed at Lola Glors. She is now looking at the sky. I looked at the direction she is staring at, the sun rays are now visible in our eyes.

"I love my husband even if he is already dead Shy, Dahil alam kong ang pag mamahal niya sa akin ay narito pa rin sa puso ko, nararamdaman ko sa tuwing gigising ako sa umaga. He died but never his love for me, we loved each other for fifty long years with God, our children and our grandchilds at the center of our lives. God gave him to me because he knows that I trust him and I believe with his plans for me. Our love story isn't a perfect one, but his love for us is perfect and that made the both of us live our lifetime while loving each other dearly. Not even death can set us apart, and I know that he is the only one my heart will beat for. We will continue our love story soon, and when that time comes.. we are there, standing beside our wonderful God watching our children live the lives we always dreamed for them."

She said while her eyes still fix on the sky. At this moment I felt something heavy gone from my chest.

"Love forgives shy, Love is patient, Love is kind, Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. "

This time she looked at me straight in the eye, then she held my hand with hers. I looked again at the sunrise.

I am surrounded by people I never thought would stay in my life, and I am downright greatful and blessed with that. He is indeed is powerful.

Dear God, it is really true that after darkness there will always be light that comes after and this beautiful scenery in front of me is the proof.

Today, I am giving you my life. I will not make decisions for myself alone, I will believe in you more for I know you have your plans for me.. not to harm me but to prosper me. Forgive me, I hurt the person I loved the most and for hurting you.. the man who loved me even at my worst.

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