Dumb, Slightly Funny, Sarcastic OneShots

Bill Cipher x Reader

This was requested to me by my dear friend xX_Ari31_Xx . Love ya! Hope you like this fanfic, it is in no way serious.

I woke up this morning feeling... anxious. 

Today was the day I was going to make a deal with the devil.

Quite literally, actually.

If you don't live in Gravity Falls, Oregon, then you probably have no idea who Bill Cipher is. Unless Professor Ford is right, and Bill has been terrorising the entire world as well as the known universe, I doubt you live close to GF, so let me explain.

Bill Cipher is... a demon, to say the least. He, as previously mentioned, terrorises people, takes their money, jobs, lives, dreams, and flushes it all down the universe's one, large, toilet.

He does so, however, in a cunning way, promising you riches, food, money.

Kind of like one of those scam emails you get, promising you the same thing. Except an Indian 50 year old man sitting behind the screen, it's a giant space dorito staring at you with one big eye face to face.

You'd take that deal too, wouldn't you?

I did.

That's right, you heard me correctly. I took a deal with the being I just described to you.

Every time I heard one of those scam emails go well, with some poor sap losing all their money, I'd feel bad. I'd maybe even laugh. Don't scoff at me, you know you do it too. And then, of course, the day when I fell for that damn scam.

That wasn't the only thing I fell for.

I'm getting off track, I need to finish this voice memo before I meet him. The point of this memo is, don't fall in love with Bill Cipher.

He's cunning, a trickster. He'll only trick you. He won't fall for you. He's a loyal man, but the only thing he's loyal to is his job of forever cursing the universe for no particular reason.

Oh and, of course-

He belongs to me.

Don't touch him.

He's mine.

By this time, I'm sure you've realised why I sold my soul.

Bill was very accepting. I love him, he loves me. Sometimes, to make me happier, he shapeshifts into human form. Those are some of the best days. Later today, we will be married, and I will have officially taken the name Phil Cipher.

I hope you enjoyed the voice memo I've left anyone who finds this.

I hope you learned something from it.

Moral of this story is, don't fall in love with a Space Dorito.

Love, Walrus.