vacation

part eleven- deny u

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MITCHS POV
Im not shocked that scott had a boyfriend. Not at all. But i feel terrible that he left him for me. This is all my fault. Im not deserving of scott. And mark is not deserving of what i have done.

....No. im being crazy. Its not my fault. Its scotts.

Scotts out of the shower now. I hear him turn off the water and i assume he'll be out soon. I dont know how to react. I stare at the walk as tears run down my cheeks.

Scott emerges into the living room wearing nothing but boxers. He doesnt see me right away, but when he does, his expression changes.

"oh my god mitch?"

I wipe my cheeks and try not to look at him. He looks down at his phone which is not in the same spot.

"Wh-what is it" he says as he reaches for his phone. He is confused, and it hurts me.

He looks at his phone and i assume he sees a new message from mark. He looks worried and i have a feeling he knows what it is. I finally look at him.

"Who's mark?"

He just stares at me.

"Who is he?" My tone is more agressive this time.

"Hes a friend."

"A friend my ass!" Im speaking loud, im not used to being agressive towards people. It startles me.

"Did you read our messages?" He just looks sad.

He doesnt wait for a reply.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What the hell is wrong with ME? You had a boyfriend and you didnt even bother to tell me. You had sex with me that night and you had a boyfriend. That date at the coffee shop, you had a boyfriend. All those nights we spent together, you had a boyfriend all along."

"Mitch that wasnt a date. I was happy to see an old friend of mine but you couldnt keep your hands off of me. And at the end of the night you couldnt keep your legs closed either. I didnt sleep with you. You slept with me!" He looks angry now

"BULLSHIT SCOTT! You KNOW what you did. Dont even try to put this on me!"

I dont bother grabbing my stuff. Im out the door within seconds.

Tears blur my vision as i drive home. I am mad at myself for crying. I feel weak. Ive always felt weak.

When i get home i lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for a long time. Was confron
ting him a mistake? Should i have acted like nothing was wrong? Should i have been strong and held the tears in and slept with him that night pretending like i saw absolutely nothing?

Its not that big of a deal. Youre overreacting, i tell myself.

But it is.

And I fall asleep.

SCOTTS POV
I am a peice of shit
Scott, you are a piece. Of. Shit.

Ive always been in love with mitch. When he left after our senior year i was heartbroken. But i wanted to give him space. His "space" turned into years before i even realised it. And i thought we were strangers.

Everything changed when i saw him again. It was like i knew who i was for the first time since i was 19.

And I knew what i did. I knew the second i saw him that i was in love. I knew what was happening when i invited him over. I knew what was happening when i kissed him in the hottub. And I knew what was happening when i didnt end things with mark.

Yet i told mitch it was his fault.

And i pray that night, to the same god that brought mitch to me, that i do not lose him again.

the next day goes by slowly. I spend time with kirstin and it keeps my mind of things. She asks me about mitch and when i refuse to talk about it she knows something is wrong. I apologize and i leave early. Months ago i would have told her every detail and cried as we ate ice cream together. Things are a bit different now.

I know me and mitch have to go to the studio tomorrow. I dread it. Do i go? If i do, will he even show up? But i cant afford to skip. This is a once in a lifetime experience, and such an amazing opportunity for the both of us.

So i go. And mitch isnt there.

Aaron says he wasn't expecting me to show. Apparently mitch cancelled. He knows i am not acting myself as we try to record. He finally gets it out of me.

"Me and mitch had a fight last night. I dont wanna get into it. Its all my fault. I I dont know if or when ill see him again.....I shouldn't keep coming here. Mitch is the one supposed to be here with you right now. This opportunity is his"

Aaron speaks.
"You and that boy have one of the most special connections ive ever seen. Not just music wise. I truly think your souls are in sync."

Hes quiet for a moment.

"But seriously, these things are perfect for songwriting. Pour yourself out right now. We're so close to an album. "

He pats my back. I feel somewhat better. I write.

MITCHS POV
The first few days are rough. I dont even go to the studio. But I know i cant lay in bed forver. I was finally getting somewhere in my life and i cant let this slow me down.

I post covers of my favorite songs on Twitter. Ive had the account for as long as i can remember, especially adding on from recent events, I have over 20k followers. Its not much, i know. But its its something. Its my starting point. People tell me to make a YouTube channel. And i do. I spend a lot of time with austin too. We shop together, and he helps me with my channel. A cover i do of a new ariana grande song gets 60k views. I almost cry when i read through the comments, its crazy how many people like my voice.

...

Its been over 2 weeks since i last saw scott. Some nights are hard, sleeping alone. Part of me wished he would text me, call me, just anything. I cant go on without him forever.

I miss the way his body feels against mine. I miss how good he feels, his arms around me. His breath on my neck. Him inside of me. Its unlike anything ive ever felt. I touch myself and imagine hes here. My body aches with need, but no matter how hard i try, its not him. And i cry.

Part of me is still angry. The other part of me knows i need to go back. I think hes probably feeling the same way.

And i get up write.

You wanna be honest with me, and I-
I wanna be honest with you.
We both can be selfish
But I'll be the first to say
It hurts me to hurt you

bitersweet, i know

...

I try but i cant deny you.

...

Two mornings after, exactly 18 days since i first stormed out of his house, i see something on my doorstep. A small box.

I pick up the package and examine it closley.

I unwrap it to reveal a beautiful chain neclace and a neatly folded up paper.

the note reads:

Hi mitch its scott. I am beyond sorry for what happened.

This is all my fault, not yours.

I knew i was still in love with you the moment i saw you in the barber shop a couple months ago.

And it was foolish of me to not break things off with mark.

I love you mitch.

Meet me at the coffee shop tonight at 7pm.

I set down the note and i smile.