His Best Friend - jfg

chapter 30

talia
1:50pm
"one last push!" the nurse said, encouraging me to keep going before i was about to give up.
"i can't do it!" i cried out.
"c'mon c'mon! baby is almost out."

then everything stopped, the pain was gone, my breathing was back to normal and the only thing that filled the room was my son's cries.
"you did it!"
"congratulations!"

they had asked who was going to cut his umbilical chord but i shook my head. they had sammy cut it anyway. they cleaned him up, putting the baby on my chest. i had done it, this was my son.
"do we have a name for him?" the doctor asked.
"i'm going to go with finn. finnegan edward gilinsky." i said with tears brimming my eyes.

sammy looked shocked at the name choice but i just smiled.
"i promise, i will give my all to you. the best life i could give you, a life better than mine." i said to my baby.
the nurses had cleaned up and taken finn to the side for testing. they let visitors in and johnson walked in the room with laura and katherine.
"laura and katherine! i thought you guys went back to nebraska already."
"no no, we couldn't miss the birth of my grandson!" katherine cheered.
"is jack coming?" i asked.

everybody had become silent, i sighed knowing he wasn't going to come. the nurses wrapped finn in a baby blue blanket and put a small beanie on his head. she handed finn to sammy and everyone had gathered round to adore him.

"is anyone else coming?"
"nate, luh, david is at work. we're trying to get ahold of jack." johnson reassured me.
"who's going to sign the birth certificate of the baby?"
"can we leave it blank." i told the nurse.
"uhm yea." she said before leaving the room.

katherine was next to hold finn and she instantly fell in love.
"you look just like your daddy." she cooed.

jack
1:50pm
i couldn't show my face, i didn't want to. i still felt ashamed of my wrong doing, it was embarrassing. my son will have a shithead father to look up to. of course, i wanted to see my son but i couldn't. i hurt everyone just by hurting lia. i missed her, more than everything.

the boys always tell me she wants me to come back, she misses me, she needs me but why? why does she need me when i hurt her? why does she need me when she could do so much better than me. i downed my third shot and sobbed into my hands, why can't i be good enough?

why can't i be what she wants, the perfect guy to support our family just so we could be happy. i don't even know if i would ever see her again or be in my son's life.

do i want to be?
of course i do, i don't want him to think i abandoned him or left him and his mom for something better because i want to be there. i just don't have the courage to show my face or even speak to her on the phone. my own mother and father are urging me to
go to her but what's the point? i've given up, i threw my glass at the wall and fell on my knees. i had fallen into this depth of darkness i cannot get out of.

talia
3:09pm
"he's beautiful." nate said, holding him.
"he looks just like g." derek cooed.
"i know, that's going to take getting used to."

johnson walked in, sitting on the side of my hospital bed.
"so what's your plan now?"
"sam, you're going to hate me but i'm moving out next week or so. just further down in los angeles, i need to be more independent, i'm going to be okay. i promise, i'll call you guys when i need help."
"you can't move, i need your help. i-i can't be alone." sam whined.
"it's for the best, i just need everything to change. i have a son now and i'm going to be here but not everyday. i know i'm only twenty but i can do this." i smiled.
"are you sure?"

"yes, i'm doing this for my son. he will live his life better than mine, i am willing to risk it all and give him the world."

-
end :)