The Knife Thrower

Chapter 6

The realisation hits me like a wave, suffocating my senses. The blood drains from face and my knees threaten to give way. I don't know what to say. The surprise and shock cloud my mind, making my thoughts foggy and random. I look at the man standing before me, with his wide pleading eyes begging me to understand and my surprise melts away, replaced by anger. He takes a step towards me, outstrenching his hand to hold me up. I slap his hand away and struggle to find my voice.

"You coward!" I rasp, taking a step back at the same and knocking into the wooden table behind me. He stops moving and a wounded expression comes over his face. But I don't care. I'm going to say exactly what I think, even if it's just for Izzy and Jay's sake. I try to slow down my heart beat in an attempt to think properly.

"How long have you been spies?" I ask him, my voice void of emotion and my gaze locked onto his. I have to know.

"I have been a spy since I turned twenty and now I run a corporation against the government. When I was twenty-eight I met your mother who was assigned as my co-partner. After the successful mission, we got to know each other, and we got married a year later. I was given the job of running the organization and your mother decided to continue being a spy, but in the governments headquarters." He says slowly.

"So you have been spies, against the government, before I was born." My voice rises dangerously high along with my blood pressure and heartbeat,"And even though you have three kids, a six year old and an eleven year old included, you still continued with your job.

"You have been risking our lives, THEIR lives," I point towards the bedroom where Izzy and Jay are sleeping, "all these years. If the government found out about you two, they would kill us. All of us."

"But they didn't find out and we would never have let them hurt you," he fights back, but I'm not listening. I need answers, I need to know if Jay and Izzy are in danger. Well, more danger then they are in now.

"Do they know you and mother and despicable spies?" I ask hotly, trying but failing to keep the emotion out of my voice. Spies are cowards, despicable people who hold no loyality to anyone or anything. I can't believe my parents are spies. A ridiculously insecure part of me hurts that he didn't include me in his life, that he shut me out. Though I guess I can't complain, I do the same thing to him.

"We are very professional, they could never guess that their most trusted secretary is actually a spy for my team." He huffs, clearly affended I have such little faith in him. I am about to shoot out my next question when a thought catches my attention.

"Where is mother?" I interupt his rant, not caring about 'his fragile confidence' that seems to be disintegrating. He frowns at me and thinks for a moment. Then his eyes go wide and his face pales.

"Is-isn't s-she home ye-et?" he stutters, hands shaking and face so pale he is almost transparent. I shake my head, wondering what he isn't telling me. He falls forward and I reach out to catch him, grabbing his sturdy shoulders. I heave him into an empty chair and he grips the table like his life depended on it. I walk over to the tap and pour him a glass of murky water. He takes it eagerly and gulps it down in one go. I sit in the chair facing him, aware of his trembling hands.

He stares at the wooden table for a long , eyes clouded and far-away. His breathing is raged and uneven, like a sobbing childs. I wonder where mother is? I ask the question spinning around my mind, terrified what the answer will be.

"What would happen if they found traitors, spy's, who double-crossed them?" I whisper, hoping, praying, the answer isn't immediate death. He doesn't answer for a long time, just lets the silent tears slide down his cheeks in the faint candellight. Finally he does answer, but I almost don't hear the words coming from his bowed head.

"They would take the Traitor to their offical meeting building and set them up for public execution. They believe people would get scared for their own lives and their families lives, which would prevent a Rebel uprising." Wow. I can't think of anything else. If I get any more information tonight, my head is going to explode. I hope... I don't know. I need rest, I won't be able to think otherwise. I open my mouth to tell him I'm going to bed when he suddenly stands up, hands not shaking and a look of fierce determination in his eye.

"I have to go, I have to go find her," he says firmly, eyes boring into my own, " I have to know if she is okay." He doesn't wait for me to reply and moves towards the door. But before he gets there I grab his arm,affording him to look at me. His face is hard-set and determined, and I know now that I won't be able to change his mind. Instead I say the secand thing that comse to mind.

"Be careful, your decisions affects all of us," he looks at me for a long time, his dark-brown eyes staring into my expressionless black ones. He looks like he is going to say something, but instead gives a quick nod and turns out of my grip. He walks away in silence, melting into the shadows of the star-less night. I know somehow that he is not coming back any time soon and I brace myself for the pang of sadness to hit me. But it never comes. I guess I'm used to it now, him appearing for a moment and then dissapearing for a life-time. Story of my life.