The One (Various X Reader)

Why do I still love him?

Heyo! Enjoy~

(Y/n)'s POV

      It's been weeks since I met the Pastas and since I started living with them. They all have been helping me train. I'm now one of the best hand to hand combat fighters in the group. Today we are taking a break. I'm sitting in the living room with Ben, EJ, Toby, Masky, Hoodie, and Jeff. Ben, Toby, and Jeff are playing video games while EJ, Masky, Hoodie, and I watch. "Hey guys, do you think Slendy would be ok with us going to my house for a bit?" I ask no-one in particular. "I think he would but only for an hour or 2." Masky states. "Ok kewl cause I wanna check up on Jacob and look through some old stuff while we're there." I said as the boys look at me curiously. "What kind of old stuff, my dear Waffle Queen?" Toby ask in a mocking way. I giggle slightly "Oh my dearest Waffle Knight, I wanted to look through some boxes I brought with me from Hartselle that has some memories. Good and bad ones." I said with a small smile. All of us laugh. "Anyways I'm gonna go-" I was cut off by Slenderman entering and saying "You 7 may go but be back in 3 hours please." I smile and hug Slendy. "Thank you." I say. He hugs me back and says "You are quite welcome my child." I grab Toby and Ben's arms dragging them out the door while the other 4 boys follow. 

(timeskip) 

"BUUUUUUUBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYY I'M HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!" I shout as soon as I enter the house. Thundering footsteps are heard as a blur of red and brown tackles me to the ground. "Damn you (Y/N)! Next time warn me when you plan on staying somewhere for so long!" Jacob scolds me. I giggle and say "Well we are only here for 3 hours. Where are the memory boxes?" Jacob rolls his eyes and gets up. He walks upstairs and comes back down with 2 boxes. "I'll go get the others." He said as he set the 2 down. I opened the top box and start looking through it. I pick up a metal picture frame and turn it over. I small smile forms on my lips as tears form in my eyes. "Jesus Christ that was forever ago. JACOB GET DOWN HERE NOW I FOUND THE PICTURE BOX AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!!" I scream at him. "FUCK NO THAT MEANS EMBARRASSMENT FOR ME!" I giggle as I pick up a piece of notebook paper. "Huh wonder what this i-" I stop dead. 'No way I thought I threw this away! Fuck.' I start to sob quietly as I read the old letter.

"May 29, 2019

Dear Trevor,

I love you so much it hurts. It hurts every goddamn time I think about you because I'm not stupid, I know you don't love me back. It hurt even more when you were dating Taylor, but I tried so damn hard to be happy for you because you were happy at the time. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because loving you hurts. I have fallen hard for you and I don't want to let go but I know I have to because if I don't I'll end up even more heartbroken than I already am. I'm trying so hard to get over you. I want to get over you and move on but I can't. My heart can't take much more of this but it doesn't want to let go. I know that's what hurts the most because I HAVE to let go. You never have loved me and never will love me. Plus you graduated this year and I'll never see you again. I want you so bad but I can't have you and I never will because you don't want me. I love you more than I can express in words but you don't like me. I fell hard for you but you never fell for me. So I'm sorry I fell for you. I'm sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable or if I ever hurt you in anyway. I'm sorry for everything. Even though I'm sorry I don't regret falling for you because you are one of the best people in my life and I love you. This entire letter was so I could make a promise to you. This promise will be so hard for me to keep but I will try my best because it's for you. My promise is that I will try with all my might to move on and let you go for if you truly love something you have to let it go even if it causes heartbreak. I know you never will love me back but just know that if you ever need me I'll be there for you.

Sincerely,

(Y/N)"

I drop the letter and sob some more. Toby runs up to me as the others bombard me with questions. "JACOB SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH (Y/N)!!!" Ben screamed. Jacob dashes down the stairs to me. "(Y/n) what's wrong?!" he asked worried. "Why?" I mumbled to myself as I cried into his shoulder. "What?" I heard Jeff ask. Jacob let me go a picked the letter up and read it. "Oh....(Y/n) I thought you burned this." he said in a sad voice. "I THOUGHT I DID TOO JACOB! I THOUGHT I BURNED THAT AND EVERYTHING THAT HAD HIM IN IT!" I screamed at my best friend. "I SEE THAT FUCKING LETTER THAT I WROTE 3 FUCKING YEARS AGO AND I REMEMBER HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM! HOW MUCH I STILL LOVE HIM! WHY DO I STILL LOVE HIM? WHY DO I STILL LOVE THE MAN I KNOW I'LL NEVER HAVE?!" I was on the ground sobbing my eyes out. "Why?" I asked quietly. "Because you thought the world of him (Y/n). Because you made that promise but you knew full damn well you'd never be able to keep it unless you found someone else. You never wanted to keep that fucking promise and that's why you never gave him that letter. Also I told you not to so...ooop." Jacob shrugged at his last sentence. I laughed softly. "You always knew what to say when I was down, didn't you?" Jacob laughed and nodded. "Well what kind of best friend would I be if I didn't?" he said as he hugged me. "Now how about I go get a lighter and we burn this letter together?" Jacob suggested. I smiled "With pleasure my dear bestie."

HEYO!!!! What's up? Just a little blast from the past for dear ole (Y/n). Anyways hope you enjoyed this heartfelt chapter. Later~Delaney