#SOTUS Continued: Book One A PremWad Tale

Scars

Trigger Warning: Please seek help if you are thinking about harming yourself.

Prem's POV

So much happened today. Since the altercation with his father, Wad had progressively gotten quieter throughout the day. By the time we showed up to the meeting, he had reminded me of the Wad from the beginning of SOTUS. Looking at him in the meeting room, I had wanted to do nothing more but wrap myself around him to make this feeling that he was slipping away from me disappear. When Knott had pulled N'Tew into his lap, I took advantage and did the same.

I know he was annoyed with me since I was not shy about where I touched him, but I couldn't stop myself from doing it. The more the meeting progressed, the more I felt he was disappearing right in front of me. The Wad I had come to love was fading before my eyes, and it frightened me. His strength had always amazed me, but I know it must be exhausting to stand against all that is going on in his life.

When the meeting was over Wad, and I made our way back to our dorm in silence. I had tried to hold his hand, but he had shoved his hands in his pockets when we walked out of the building and kept them there the entire way as he walked, staring at the ground. Even in the elevator, he never looked up or said a word. In the room, Wad quietly gathered his things and went to take a shower. I stood outside the door, unsure of what to do before I chose to come and get dinner for us.

Waiting for the Aunty to call my order, I think of all the things Wad has endured. Neglect and abandonment from his father, being tortured by his sick bastard of a half brother and having the daily reminder of that on his back. But the visible scars are not the ones that worry me the most. Over time I had mapped all of Wad's... Scars!

"Aunty, I will come back for my order. Can you hold it?" I yell as I run out of the stall. Shit! Why the hell did I leave him alone! Shit! Shit! Please, Wad! Damn it! Fvcking hell! How can I be this stupid!! Wad! Please, don't do anything stupid! I run through the crowded streets back to my dorm. I am berating myself the entire way for leaving him alone with this. What the hell was I thinking!?!

Wad's POV

Walking out of Professor Thorat's office, I had felt triumphant since I had blocked my father and P'Dean from attempting to destroy my happiness, but as the day progressed, all the dark thoughts I thought I had shoved in a box and sealed shut had begun to leak through.

I found these dark thoughts that once were my constant companions were now foreign. It had been so long since they had been present in my life. P'Prem and friends had made these thoughts, which were once my every day become strangers. I had felt safe from them. Just like I had felt safe from my father and P'Dean. But the thoughts were back, just like the two assholes who wanted to destroy my life.

I knew before the meeting I was beginning to spiral, but, pushed it aside, hoping it would stop. When Prem had made me sit in his lap, I felt trapped. His touch, which was once comforting, now felt suffocating. Learning that the asshole was untouchable in his faculty started my mind racing, the thoughts reminding me of the hopelessness of trying to fight this guy. I had wanted to cover my ears and scream for them to shut up, but I couldn't without causing worry to my friends. When P'Prem and I left, I shoved my hands in my pockets, fisting them so I wouldn't do just that.

Reaching the dorm, I fled to the shower, turning it on before I sank to the floor. Pulling up my knees and wrapping my arms around them, I began to rock as tears started to flow. I need to fight this and not given in.

"I am ok," I say to myself, "I am safe. I am ok. I am safe." I repeat over and over again.

"How can you be safe? He will get you. You can never get away from him. He will always find you and take away everything from you. He will always win." the voice of my dark thoughts taunts me.