I don't know how you want me to tell you whats wrong. You constantly ask, over and over the same questions. The problem is I want to tell you and I don't know how. Articulating my words but the right ones don't come out. Thats not what I meant to say. This whole conversation is a mess and I cant fix it. I don't know how. I feel like I have these emotions that are bubbling up and the water is steaming hot and yet nothing happens. Like a bad chemical reaction except its my life exploding before my eyes. Im sorry. It hurts me to think that you think I don't trust you. I trust you immensely and thats part of the problem. I don't want you to see me like this. Crying on the floor, mascara everywhere and a pounding headache. I don't know how to help myself so how can you? how can you fix a problem that you don't know exists? how can I? Suddenly its calm. This is the worst part. The eye of the storm. It always lasts the longest, but this is worse than feeling pain. At least then I feel something. I shut myself off. Farther from you even though I want to bring you closer. Im numb to my feelings and my surroundings and this makes it worse. Suddenly drowning but my lungs have an infinite amount of air. Forever suffering. I don't know how to help myself. Thats the problem. Thats always the problem. Back into myself I go, because I don't know another way and this is my coping mechanism. Im sorry. All I can say is Im sorry. It will never feel like enough but its all I can give, its all I can say. So, Im sorry. Forgive me. This isn't how I planned any of this, yet here we are. Sorry.
