Angel ✦ Nomin

17

⊱ ───── { Jeno } ───── ⊰

Jeno lies with his black silk sheets pulled up to his nose as his arms wrap tightly around the pillow Jaemin would usually lie on whenever he slept in his bed.

He could almost smell traces of him on it.

This thought causes his chest to ache in a way that felt almost as if he was about to have a heart attack. Though, he wouldn't mind that, at this point.

Or, that's what he thinks until he realizes just how much he fears death. He doesn't fear dying since he's well aware what happens after, but what shakes him to his core is the idea that he isn't sure what his deceased spirit would transform into. His heart wants to believe he'll become an angel just like his mother was intended to and spend eternity with Jaemin, but something deep down inside of him gnaws at him, suggesting otherwise.

Jeno had tried suppressing his demonic side, but all that lead to was that part of him clawing its way out, determined to prevail over the good in him, and the fact of the matter is that he's been in tune with that part of him for so long, trying to ignore it just seemed to make it more aggressive and impossible to control.

And that was utterly terrifying to think of.

Should he become a demon when he dies, he would be sent straight to Hell where his father could do virtually anything he wants to him. Jeno briefly wonders if he'd destroy his soul, making him cease to exist, but he quickly dismisses this. He knows all too well that his father would surely opt to make him suffer for eternity and revel in the fact Jeno would be separated from Jaemin for just as long.

Not to mention how betrayed, disappointed, and hurt Jaemin would be knowing they would be torn apart.

That's why he can't know.

He can never know.

He can never see his demon side taking control of Jeno like it has been. Finding out would surely kill the younger boy inside. He can't risk hurting him like that.

Suddenly, the door to Jeno's room opens slowly.

"Go away," he hisses, feeling angry that him storming out of the study wasn't enough to make it obvious-aside from constantly telling people to go away-that he wants to be left alone.

"That's one hell of a greeting," a soft, gentle voice chuckles in response as they close the door behind themselves.

Jeno reluctantly looks over to find Jaemin smiling kindly at him.

"J-Jaemin?" he stammers before clearing his throat and forcing himself to return to his cold demeanor, "I told you to not come back unless I asked you to."

The boy cautiously approaches the bed and sits at the foot of it.

"I know, but...I needed to see you," Jaemin replies with a deep frown, "Jisung told me you've been refusing to leave your study since you kicked me out...Jeno, please...don't do this to yourself."

Jeno rolls over, refusing to look at Jaemin.

"I'm fine. Jisung lied to you," Jeno grunts.

"Please don't shut me out," the younger pleas with a slight whimper to his voice. Struggling to stay turned away, Jeno sits up and faces Jaemin, who's eyes are glistening with sadness. Jeno's heart begins to ache again.

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't so reckless," Jeno mumbles.

"That's not the whole truth, is it?" Jaemin asks, and Jeno's stomach drops to the floor. He gulps hard as he stares into Jaemin's eyes, feeling particularly drawn to them.

Something seemed odd about them.

Was there a faint purple glow to them?

No, it must be his eyes deceiving him.

"I don't want to hurt you, Jaemin," Jeno blurts out almost involuntarily.

"Hurt me? Hurt me how?" Jaemin questions.

"I can't be who you want me to be...Who I wish I could be," Jeno continues to spew out, "I'm a demon, Jaemin, and I always will be. I can't go without using my books, and I can't suppress it, anymore."

"Why did you keep this from me?" Jaemin whimpers.

"Because I can't stand to hurt you. I was worried you'd be so upset that you'd leave me."

"So you just pushed me away? That's not fair, Jeno."

"I know, but-"

"Save it," Jaemin cuts him off, "I can't believe you'd hide something like this from me. This isn't just about you. This means we'll be separated forever once one of us dies. How could you possibly be so selfish?"

"Jaemin, please, you've got to understand-"

"Oh, no, I understand completely," Jaemin says aggressively, "I understand that your loyalty to your father is more important than me."

"No! That's not it at all! Please, hear me out!" Jeno pleads as he frantically tries to get Jaemin to listen.

"I should've known. No true love would have slit my throat to sacrifice me to his father. I can't believe I was so naïve..." Jaemin rambles off as he stands up from the bed.

"Jaemin, wait!" Jeno cries out as he leaps out of bed and comes face to face with him. He takes Jaemin's hands in his and holds them tight. He pulls him in and their lips collide forcefully together. Jeno's lips meld against Jaemin's with an intense neediness, feeling scared to let go of Jaemin. He was trying far too hard to express in one kiss how much he needed Jaemin. And although Jaemin kisses him back, something felt unbearably empty about it.

He couldn't have lost all feelings for him like that, could he?

No. No, there's no way.

Jeno tries to read his mind as he grapples to get some type of understanding of how he's feeling right now, but there's absolutely nothing. It's just complete nothingness.

He tears himself away from Jaemin, his eyes stinging with tears while Jaemin's expression remains hardened and cold.

"Goodbye, Jeno," Jaemin says flatly before yanking his hands away and striding out of his bedroom. He slams the door behind him, and Jeno feels his knees weaken. He collapses to the carpeted floor as his chest heaves.

What has he done?