Murder Me Not

Love Is Love

Alec was unbelievably tired, his back and legs aching. Physical therapy had gone well, really well. Cat seemed to think it would only be another week now; Alec wished it was less than that.

"What do you want to do?" Jace asked, the apartment door closing behind them.

Alec could barely manage a grunt, shuffling towards his bedroom. Jace snorted, muttering something under his breath. Alec flipped him off, Jace's laughter following him into his room.

He slowly sat on the bed, pulling his legs up. He leaned back with a groan and rubbed at his eyes. He was asleep within minutes.

Magnus was at the end of the dark tunnel, the sounds of tanks rumbling in the walls. Blood slowly dripped down Magnus's face, from his ears and eyes, wetting his lips. Alec tried to shout a warning but it was too late.

Asmodeus roughly grabbed Magnus's shoulders, yanking him into the shadows. There was a guttural sound, an ear shattering scream, a steady beeping.

White light flashed, morphing into a burning red that seared Alec's eyes. The humvee toppled, the blast throwing Alec backward.

Pain splintered through him. He cried out but Magnus was already gone.

Alec blinked, tears blurring his vision. He rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. Sobs shook his body and he struggled to breathe. Sweat clung to his skin like blood and bile rose in his throat.

He threw off the sheets, using the wall to steady himself as he made his way to the bathroom. The warm water of the shower soothed him, clearing his head.

He dried his hair with a towel, slipping into a pair of black sweatpants. Alec found a note from Jace on the kitchen table, telling him that Jace was taking Clary out for dinner and that there was leftover Chinese in the fridge. He lazily tugged the door open, his eyes immediately finding the six-pack of beer on the shelf.

He grabbed that instead.

He felt so useless. He wasn't able to do anything. It was driving him crazy. He was pathetic, constantly thinking about a man he shouldn't want. He just... he wanted to feel something else for a while.

He cracked the beer open, lifting it to his lips. He relished the burn in the back of his throat, the familiarity of it. It was such a bitter taste, a freeing one. He couldn't remember when it happened, after his first, maybe after his second, or even his third. But eventually, he started to cry silently, stumbling towards the couch.

He slid his phone out of his pocket, cradling the beer against his chest as he did so. He scrolled through his contacts. He's had the number since he was given that damn business card, but he never had the courage to call it. He went straight to voicemail.

"Hey, Magnus," Alec sighed, hiccuping. "I... I know that... Ah." He coughed. "You have really pretty eyes. Brown but brown, you know?" He chuckled softly, taking a sip of his beer. "And you're a model. Like a really HOT model. I appreciate that, a lot. I wanted you to know that I appreciate that. I appreciate you too." He scratched at his cheek, humming softly. "I wanted to apolomize... amopolize... apologize. Geez, big word. Look, Mags, I'm really sorry for being an ass. You didn't deserve that. Also, I'm very drunk right now, so I guess I'm sorry for that too. Fuck, I fucked this up. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm going to hang up now. Yeah..." He hit the disconnect button, slumping even further into the couch.

He placed it back at his ear. "Hey, Mom. I'm gay. Did you know that?" He hiccuped, tears streaming down his face. "I bet you did, everyone seems to know that! You hate me, don't you?