Achromatopsia

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Since Phil was the older of the two boys, he took it upon himself to help Dan with his schooling and now that Dan was quickly approaching secondary school, he needed help getting through his tests. 

"I don't think you understand, Phil. I just don't get it." Dan cried out, holding his head in his hands as Phil sat on the bed next to him, rubbing his back. Phil was really trying to sooth him, to calm him down so they could talk, but he just came off as patronizing. Dan leaned away from him as he used the back of his hand to wipe his eyes. 

"Hey, I'm trying to understand. Help me understand." Phil said, his voice full of affection and understanding. He knew what it was like to have to take his entry exams. Four years ago when he was struggling to remember some obscure history lessons and maths equations and sobbing for the same reasons Dan was, Dan was there for him. Probably more than he knew. 

Dan was only six when Phil had to take his entry exams for secondary school, sitting next to Phil in silence, pipping up with a funny pun or statement when he could tell Phil needed it the most. And now that Dan was in the same position, he could tell that that's what he needed the most. 

"It's just..." he choked, groaning. "It's too much to remember." Dan whispered, obviously defeated by the workload. 

"I know it seems like a lot, you've just got too much useless knowledge in that noggin of yours." Phil said, tapping Dan's head with his finger. "Just gotta get rid of all that stuff about me so you can pass your test." 

Dan's eyes widened, now the size of the moon, staring at Phil as he turned paler than usual. 

"No!" Dan cried, "I mean... I-I just think that I need to take a break." he mumbled, moving away from Phil with his jaw clenched. Phil let a sigh escape his throat as he nodded in agreement, staring up the the popcorn ceiling while he let his mind think of how they could distract themselves. 

"Here, I know what to do. Let's go for a walk." 

~

Dan was still flustered as he walked next to Phil, his fists clenched next to his side. Why would he freak out like that? Phil was just making a joke and he had to go make a fool of himself and almost out himself that he had a huge crush on the older kid. 

Of course he had a crush on Phil. He was in Year 9, he was tall, he was funny, he was sweet. That's all he ever wanted in a wife, so the fact that Phil wasn't a girl never really hit him until this year. That's when people started to attack their friendship. They would make snarky remarks about the fact that Phil would walk from his school to pick Dan up and walk him together. 

Phil's response to those were always the same;

"Don't mind them. They are just jealous that they don't have a friendship like we do." Always with that stupidly beautiful grin and soft eyes. It's because of that that Dan knows he'll never have a chance with Phil. Hell, Phil was obsessed with figuring out who his soulmate was and since it wasn't Dan, he wouldn't even think about dating him. 

"You okay?" Phil asked, his tone full of nerves like he was scared of upsetting Dan again. 

"-'m fine. Just thinking."

"About the test?"

Dan shook his head, "No, something else." he answered truthfully. "I'm not worried about the test anymore really."

Phil grinned, his bright white smile shining against the sun. "Really? That's great!" he grabbed Dan's arms, shaking him a bit. He let out a nervous laugh, letting Phil shake him as his jaw clenched. 

~

Phil hovered at the school entrance, waiting for Dan to finish up his school day, his eyes locked on the book in his hand that needed to finish for English Lit the following day. As his eyes scanned the page, he heard some voices call out to him and he looked up to see his friends; Chris, Pj, and Louise.

"Hey, Phil, what you doing here?" Chris asked as he approached, leaning against the tree next to the entrance. Phil smiled a bit, happy to see his friends, although he would much rather be with Dan. He knew they would find that weird, that he liked a 10 year old better than his fellow 14 year olds but Dan just understood him.

"I'm waiting for a friend. He's in Year 6."

He could see the wheels spinning before they all thought they understood.

"Oh," Pj started. "Like a pity friend?"

Phil furrowed his brows. "No. I've known Dan since I was four."

"But he's so immature, how could you be friends with him?"

"He's not immature."

"How do you expect to find a girlfriend with a 10 year old hanging off your ankle all the time?" Louise asked, quirking her brow. Phil knew that they were just trying to look out for him but it was starting to piss him off. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, he spotted some kids walking down the pavement with their own friends, signalling that school had let out. He snapped his book closed and turned towards the entrance of the school to bit to see Dan standing there, staring at him with tears in his eyes.

"Dan,"

Phil tried to reach out to him, but it was too late, he was already bolting down the street, not even towards their neighborhood. He turned his head back to Chris, Pj, and Louise, glaring at them a bit. 

"Phil, you've got to move on from him. He's a kid, maybe this is for the best."

"Shut up," Phil snapped, turning back to chase after Dan, his legs taking him as fast as he could go in the same direction. He called out Dan's name and ran, his chest heaving as he finally caught up to him in a park that the two went to hang out quite a bit. 

"Dan," Phil panted, trying to catch his breath as he stood in the quiet corner of the park. This area was almost exclusively Dan and Phil's; the trees gave it the perfect amount of cover and privacy so the friends could just be together and talk, the ground was covered in lush grass and it had minimal insects bothering them. It was perfect. 

"Leave me alone, Phil." Dan mumbled as he curled up in a ball, Phil knew it was his way his hiding when he couldn't actually hide. 

"Listen, my friends are jerks. I don't think you're a pity friend and I don't think you're annoying. You're my best friend, I don't care about the age difference."

"You're four years older than me, Phil. When I graduate secondary school, you'll be graduating Uni. That's insane. And they're right, no girl is gonna want to date you with a little kid hanging around all the time."

"I don't want to date a girl." Phil stated matter-of-factly. 

"You've got to date a girl. How else are you going to find your soulmate and get a wife."

"I don't know if my soulmate's going to be a girl or a boy." Phil answered, taking a seat next to Dan. "Plus, I don't even know if I want to be with a girl if they are my soulmate." he mumbled. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I-I don't know. I think I might be gay." 

"H-How do you know? You're soulmate-"

"You'll understand when you're older." Phil said softly. "You just don't know some of the stuff I do. About life."

"What are you talking about?"

Phil sighed softly, leaning against Dan's side, his head laying on his shoulder. "Well... I guess I could tell you so that your parents don't have to." Phil sucked in a breath and held Dan close, thinking of ways to describe what he was thinking to Dan. 

"You see, when you get older, things start to change. You know when you have a crush on someone now and it's mostly because they are sweet and pretty? Well, when you get to my age, you focus on... different things."

"Different things?"

"Like, adult things."

"Oh," Dan mumbled, looking up at Phil a little. "Explain the adult things."

"Well..."