Achromatopsia

Black

Fear

Dan managed to stumble back home, tears stretching down his face as he stormed past his parents and into his room. As he collapsed onto his bed, his door was pushed open. Dan sat up, eyes wide as he stared at the door, expecting his boyfriend to be there.

"Dan?" he heard from his mother. A sob tore through his body as a response and he laid back down, pulling the duvet over him to hide. He knew that it wouldn't work, but he had to do something. He felt the bed sink down by his feet as his mum took a seat, her hand resting on Dan's leg. 

"Oh, honey, what happened?" she asked, rubbing his leg slightly. "Did Phil try something?"

Dan shot up, tears on his cheeks as he glared at his mother. "Mum! No! God..." he mumbled, leaning against his pillows, covering his face.

"Is it about Phil?" Dan sniffled and nodded, wiping his eyes as he looked at her. "Did he break up with you?"

"No. Yes. I don't know." he muttered, "It's all my fault. I hid it from him." 

"Hid what?"

"Color." he mumbled. "I can see color, mum. I've been able to as long as I can remember but I don't know who my soulmate is. I-I honestly thought it was Phil but he can't see it so I just kept it to myself. I told him today."

"And he didn't take it great?"

"He didn't take it at all. He just... left. I have no idea where he is or what he is thinking."

"Why did you keep it from him?" she asked, "You told him everything, so why keep this from him?"

"Because he so desperately wants to see it too." he whispered. "A-And I know that he would hate me if I told him that I could see what he can't."

"Did it ever occur to you that Phil's more upset that you hid that from him?"

Dan paused, picking at his jeans before nodding. "I should try to find him." His mum nodded, patting his leg softly. 

~

After hiding in his room for a few more hours, Dan sulked downstairs, throwing on Phil's sweatshirt he left the last time he was over. He stepped out and it felt much colder outside than it did the last him he was out. He walked over to Phil's house, climbing the steps to the porch to knock loudly on the door. When he didn't get an answer, he knocked again before admitting defeat. Phil must either not be at home or just be ignoring him. He sighed to himself and ran his hand through his hair, thinking about all the places Phil could be. The only other place he could think was that Phil returned to the park to stew with his thoughts. 

Dan started the walk to the park, trying to figure out exactly what he would say if he did find Phil? He can't take back the fact that he can see colors. The only thing he could do is apologize for not telling him sooner. He didn't even know how he could answer some of the questions he assumed would be asked. 

Who was his soulmate? Well, the short answer is that Phil is. He will be no matter who destiny says is his soulmate. 

How long has he seen colors? He doesn't even remember when he first saw the colors, that's how early in his life it happened.

Was he broken? He was inclined to believe that yes, he is broken. He doesn't have a soulmate and for some reason can see color. 

Why didn't he tell Phil earlier? He was scared.

Dan's mind didn't settle on a single topic the entire walk to the park, he just honed in on the sound of his own footsteps, listening to the heavy sound of his feet dragging on the pavement. As he approached the corner where he was sat with Phil just hours before, having a happy date together, he felt a drop of water fall on his head. He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut as he just thought, trying to see where Phil could be. He could've done back to Uni, but that's the only thing Dan can think of. Just as Dan's eyes open, the drops of water speed up into a pour. Dan gasped at the cold rain, huffing to himself as he started to jog back home to avoid getting soaked even though he already was. 

The weather reminded him of the past few hours. When it began, it was sunny with no clouds to be seen. As they sat in the park, Dan's fingers plucking the flower from the ground, the first drop fell. And as Phil left him alone, the downpour began. 

Dan decided to try his house once more before giving up for the night, hiding in his room to wallow with his depression and self-hatred. He jogged up to Phil's door, knocking harshly on the door, shivering beneath Phil's too big for him Uni hoodie. The door swung open in his face and he came face to face with Phil who had changed into a pair of joggers and a loose shirt he usually wore to bed. 

Phil immediately stepped out of the way, letting Dan walk in without a word. He just stared at the shivering boy in confusion. 

"Why are you all wet?" Phil asked, his tone different than before. 

"I-I was out looking for you," he shivered, stripping off Phil's sweatshirt, his shirt underneath also drenched. 

"I just got back." he mumbled, taking the sweatshirt from Dan's hand to take over to the laundry room. On his way back, he stopped in the kitchen to start a kettle of water. "I'm making you some tea so you can warm up. Go get changed, I'll be here when you get back." Dan nodded, going to Phil's room to pick out an outfit, stealing a pair of comfy pajama pants and a jumper with cats on it. He changed into the outfit, bringing the wet clothes out to the laundry. For some reason, Phil didn't really seem angry to Dan. Maybe a little withdrawn, but not angry. 

As Dan took a seat at the kitchen counter, he took a cup of tea with a soft thank you, watching Phil as he took a small sip. Phil stood across the kitchen from Dan, just watching the boy in front of him. 

"Can I explain?" Dan asked softly, setting the cup down on the counter. Phil sighed, tapping his finger on his own cup. 

"I mean, I don't know how you can explain that." he mumbled. "You can see color. That's that."

"I know," Dan whispered. 

"When? When did you... start seeing color?"

"I've been able to as long as I remember... The first time I remember it being a problem that I knew I needed to hide was when I was four. You started crying and talking about how much you wanted to see the colors. I knew I couldn't just tell you that I... could." Dan sighed, dropping his head down a bit. "I-I feel so... broken. I'm so sorry." he choked out. 

"If," Phil took a deep breath. "Who is it then?" 

"Who's my soulmate?" Dan asked, watching as Phil nodded a confirmation. "Well, I don't know. I spent the first couple years of my life believing that it was you, but once we got older it was very apparent that you weren't. It's cheesy, but I don't really care who my soulmate is because I met you and you're my actually soulmate. I don't know how I could function without you." he answered, standing up to walk over to Phil cautiously. When Phil allowed him to stand face to face with him, Dan rested his hand on Phil's arm. 

"I know I fucked up. I should've told you before this, I know that. But it's too late now and what's been done is done. I-I can't go back in time and fix this mistake so all I can do is ask you to forgive me." Dan begged, his voice cracking. "Please." 

Phil sighed, leaning away to set his cup of tea down before pulling Dan into a constricting hug, his eyes shut tightly. "I forgive you. I know you didn't want to hurt me."

"I never want to hurt you," 

"I know. I love you," Phil whispered, pressing his lips against Dan's shoulder, holding him as tightly as he could without cutting off his air. 

"I love you more than you could ever know,"