Achromatopsia

Yellow

Loyalty

Phil's graduation was quickly approaching now, only about four months away. He kept Dan very involved in his life, but something that slowly stopped happening was sleepovers. Now, Dan never stayed over at Phil's house, mostly because Phil's new boyfriend didn't condone of it. 

Theo was a nice guy and he was actually quite attractive, Dan had to give him that, but there was something about him that didn't sit right with Dan. Probably because he's with Phil and Dan isn't. Theo was the year above Dan, about a foot shorter than Dan, hair that curled like Dan's but it was blonde, and bright blue eyes that only seemed to compete against Phil's own. Phil was very open about his relationship with Theo, telling Dan everything about what happened between the two of them. 

"So," Phil said, laying on his stomach on Dan's bed, his elbows propping himself up to watch the boy in front of him who insisted on studying that day. "Me and Theo are getting pretty serious." he spoke happily, Dan could tell. He really like that boy and Dan felt bad for not liking the relationship because it meant he couldn't be there for Phil more. He always felt the need to pull himself out of their business as much as he could, mostly for his own protection. Dan's stomach sunk faster than it ever had before and he nearly dropped the pencil that was precariously perched in his fingers, tapping on the book in his lap. 

"You..." Dan started immediately, his lips and tongue suddenly dryer than they have ever been. "Serious? What do you mean by that?" 

"He said that he loved me the other day."

Dan's eyes widened, that was something that he said to Phil almost everyday. Apparently to Phil, when Theo said it, he meant it, and when Dan did, he didn't. 

"Okay," he started, trying to figure out how to say what he is wanting to say. "Not to be mean, but how does he know? It's been like three months since you started dating."

"It was like love at first sight." 

Dan laughed a bit, but immediately regretted it from the look he got from Phil. 

"What are you laughing at?"

"I just don't believe in love at first sight, that's all." Dan answered truthfully, "I think you have to really know someone to love them. I believe in attraction at first sight, but love means so much."

Phil furrowed his brows a bit, obviously annoyed at the situation. His best friend was basically saying his boyfriend didn't love him. 

"How would you know? You've never dated someone." Phil snapped, his face softening as he saw Dan's hurt expression. "I'm sorry," 

"You don't need to date someone to be in love with them." Dan answered with, snapping his book shut, keeping his eyes down in his lap. 

"I know. I'm sorry, I love you." 

That didn't meant anything to Dan but he still responded with a heartfelt, "I love you too,"

~

Phil was correct to say that things were getting more serious between him and Theo, because suddenly Dan found himself not being able to see Phil for days at a time because he was occupied with Theo after school doing God knows what. Well, actually, Dan did know what they were doing but he didn't like to admit that his lifelong best friend and crush was off making out and wanking with another boy. 

Dan told himself time and time again that his crush to go away. He started saying that when he was about eight and realized that Phil was content just being friends and nothing more and it had only gotten worse. When Dan was about 13 he found himself wanking to the thought of his best friend for the first time, he knew that it was too late and he couldn't stop himself. 

Tonight was one of the nights that Phil was preoccupied with his boyfriend, so Dan was sat in his room, catching up on his studying for history at his desk. He had his head buried in his book when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. He furrowed his brows and rolled his eyes, assuming it was just his mother. 

"Yes, mum?" he called out, continuing to read. 

"It's not your mum." Dan heard; it was Phil. He sat up in his chair and turned his head towards the door. 

"Come in,"

Phil slowly pushed the door open and the first thing Dan noticed was the new deep purple hickeys that line his collarbone that were just barely visible above his shirt. The second thing, however, is the fact that his eyes were puffy and red, mimicking his lips. 

"What's up?" Dan asks casually as he stands up from his chair and makes his way to his bed, gesturing for Phil to join him. 

"Well, you know how I was hanging out with Theo today?"

'Can you call a heated makeout session hanging out?' Dan almost said, but instead he just nodded. 

"Things started to get... heated." Phil said as he made his way over to Dan's bed finally, perching himself on the edge. "When things were getting to where they usually are, he told me that he wanted... more."

"Phil, why are you all of a sudden talking in codes. You tell me everything, I'm not going to judge." Dan said softly, meaning every word of it. 

Phil sucked in a breath and nodded, "Fine. We were both shirtless and we were making out like usually and I asked him if he wanted a handjob because that's what we usually do. He told me that he wanted... to fuck me."

Dan's face turned red as he scanned Phil's body a bit, trying to figure out if anything happened, as if he could tell. 

"Okay... and did you guys fuck?"

"I told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to. And if I was going to have sex with him that I would feel much more comfortable giving than receiving." Phil glanced over at Dan for the first time since they made eye contact as he walked in. "H-He freaked out, Dan. He told me that if I loved him then I'd let him. When I said that I still didn't want to, he just got dressed and left, yelling at me that I... I was a prude and that I will never find love." Phil choked out, his eyes watering again. Dan crawled across his bed to take his rightful spot next to Phil, his arms wrapping around his crying friend. 

"I'm here for you, just let it out." he whispered to him, letting him cry as long as he needed to. It hurt him to feel Phil shake and sob in his arms but he couldn't distance himself. Not when Phil needed someone to be there with him. 

"He's wrong," Dan mumbled to Phil as he began to calm down. "You have every right to control how you want to lose your virginity, that's not a prudish thing to do, that's the smart thing to do." he rubbed his arm softly, "To quote your mother; 'you have a precious flower to give away, make sure that only your soulmate plucks it'." Dan grinned as he tried his best Kath impression. 

Phil let out a laugh, his roaring one that Dan fell in love with, turning to look at Dan with a soft smile playing on his lips. "Thanks mum."

"No problem, sweetie." he teased, leaving a ghostly soft kiss on Phil's cheek. "Want to spend the night?"

"I thought I was going to just have to stick around until you passed out to sleepover." Phil joked, gladly pretty much back to himself. The two boys moved up to the headboard, laying next to each other, their body pressed flush together. Dan's eyes returned to Phil's neck, memorizing the color pallete of the marks, finding himself in love with the mixtures of the reds and purples against Phil's almost white skin. 

"What are you looking at?"

"Oh, nothing." Dan smiled to himself a bit, looking up into Phil's enticingly sapphire eyes. "Nothing at all."