Letters from India - Part 2

72. Swami Leaves PN for Bangalore; I Leave for Anandashram - Dec 1993

Swami Leaves for Bangalore

December 8, 1993

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Holy Christmas! This Christmas may we expand our consciousness into Christ-Consciousness and may we experience that joy and comfort throughout the year and always. Jai Sai Ram!

Divya conveys her Namaskar. Not much news – things finally settled down to the usual Darshan & bhajans, after the eventful last three months. Crowds also decreased – but I guess they will never decrease like in the past. There are probably now about double the amount of daily visitors compared to nine years ago when I first came. Still, though, one can get 1st line if one is lucky, and see the Lord play in various ways, in different situations, acting different parts and giving different expressions.

On 3rd, 4th and 5th December I was bedridden with a cold. An innocent, unlasting, boring cold only, but it was the first time I’ve been sick in many months, I think since June!

When I came out on December 6th morning (after missing six Darshans) I got front row and He came close, and I could have Namaskar, touching His left foot.

This morning, December 8th, He went to the wedding of Parvatamma’s granddaughter and immediately afterwards He left to Bangalore.

Luckily, He will return soon (in three to ten days), so He has left word that sheds are to remain open and foreigners can stay. So I will stay here only – very quiet without Swami and without Venkamma so, God must be found within.

Love,

Divya

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Arrival at Anandashram

December 11, 1993

Anandashram

Dear Parents,

Divya conveys her namaskars. I hope you are all well.

I wrote you Xmas card and sent it after Swami left on December 8th. They said all the sheds would remain open. Maybe Swami sent word that He’d be staying away longer, because after a peaceful 24 hours, the office announced that sheds would be closed and no foreigner would be allowed to stay! When I went to office both the lady in charge of security and the head of Public Relations office, told me that there would be no special case for me, and I had to vacate within 2 hours!

The prospect of Bangalore did not interest me. So I packed, gave away blankets & books, and got all my luggage I own in the world down to one suitcase and one bag (it’s still a lot – but how to get rid of saris Swami and Venkamma gave me?).

I went on a bus to Dharmavaram (1-hour ride) and immediately caught a train to Kerala. The 20-hour trip went fast and smoothly and I am now in Anandashram, a wandering person without a home! Still, I think they will let me stay until Maha Sivarathri, when I will return to Prasanthi Nilayam to do visa (Swami will be there so I hope I can stay until He leaves for summer, which will be soon after Sivarathri).

This place is quiet and everyone is kind and constantly repeating God's name. I have to admit it’s like a breath of fresh air, and a great relief after the bustling military camp of Prasanthi Nilayam!

Vidya said she'd forward my mail - however you can write me here direct, as I’ll be staying two months (I am sending a telegram to you with this letter). I am healthy & peaceful.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya

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The P.N. Office & Me

December 23 1993

Anandashram

Dear Parents,

The sad truth of the matter is that by living so close to Venkamma I seem to have incurred the wrath of the office staff and Darshan line volunteers. Yet, the rest of Prasanthi Nilayam residents and all old Indian shed ladies liked me. The strange thing is the people in positions of power seemed to be against me. Perhaps it was the strange ways of jealousy.

So, they were ready to get rid of me and waiting for suitable opportunity. When Swami left to Brindavan they got their chance. They actually shouted at me when I went to the office, and said there was to be absolutely no special case for me and I had to leave, and had to obey all the rules of all other new foreigners. Never mind that I have been in Prasanthi Nilayam nine years, and living with Venkamma five years! I never ever asked for any special privileges, no front lines and no favors. However, just by being with Venkamma some people turned against me.

I did not argue and did not try to stay. I said, “Thank you – Sai Ram” nicely and went to pack. I could have contacted Amma’s son who would have definitely got me permission to stay. But I had to follow my conscience. And it was not comfortable with asking for any favors.

Rather, I saw the office people as forms of Sai who guided me in this way, to be released from the suffocating atmosphere that Prasanthi Nilayam has turned into. It is verily a den of bad feelings, competition and suspicion! People who want to do quiet sadhana don’t belong there. It is a place only to see God. Look at how life around Rama and Krishna was! Disaster! Thus, one can only expect and accept that life around the Avatar will be difficult.

So, I was calm and felt neither joy nor sorrow. I saw the good and also bad points of leaving Prasanthi Nilayam. It is my firm conviction that to be in the Presence of the Avatar is the best thing. However, if Sai does not want one to stay (by acting through His office staff) then what to do?

As for now, I could still return and stay, when Swami is in Prasanthi Nilayam, as I will get a fresh two months permission for 1994. But at the present, I have no wish to go running around. I am really content here in Anandashram.

All for now – I pray that you are well. Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya