Letters from India - Part 2

63. Mentioned to Swami & Back in PN - Oct 1993

September 27, 1993

I'm Mentioned to Swami

Whitefield

Dear Parents,

Here in Whitefield security is less. There is no off-limits areas except, as always, in Swami’s house compound. There are a few police and CIA agents around, and we have to file past a metal detector when going in for Darshan.

Mrs. Ratenlal, who has helped me so much, also personally serves food to Swami four times a day. A few days ago she told me that she was telling Swami about me - how I was always taking care of Venkamma. She said that Swami was surprised and said, “I didn’t know about her!” Since Amma left for higher & better regions, Swami has asked about me twice again, says Mrs. Ratenlal. He’s said, “How is it that she’s been here so many years and I’ve never seen her? Where does she get money, and how do these permanent residents stay on so long and get visas?”

So! Isn’t it amazing! This is what being totally quiet has gotten me – the Avatar enacts the drama that He didn’t even know I existed! Amma and the Prasanthi Nilayam staff were very successful, because they all worked hard to keep me in the shadows and not be mentioned to Swami, in case He would disapprove of a young foreigner being with His sister. His play is really intriguing! At any rate, I'm happy He has “discovered” my existence (if only for a few days). This evening, He seemed to be searching for someone in Darshan. He was very intently looking around, and in the process His eyes fell on mine and He stared and stared at me deeply, with so much love.

We must take everything equal-mindedly, whether praise or blame, work or rest, health or disease. If the mind is strong even the body won't be noticed, and therefore won't be a hindrance.

Now, I feel an urgency to know God, because who knows when I, too, will be struck down! One must use one’s time rightfully when one still has some control over it - for, who knows when the jaws of karma will close in. The only thing we will take with us when the body dies, is our mind and our spiritual progress. Nothing else will accompany us, not even find details of the memories of this life!

So I have learned a lot with Amma, she has taught and shown me so much – and helped me to progress. I must take all this knowledge, live it and improve on it, and not just remember in a narrow-minded way her physical body and outward personality. To strive on, strive on – is my goal now.

I hope you are all healthy and happy. All is fine here!

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya

______________________

The Aftermath

October 8, 1993

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Parents,

Divya conveys her namaskars. I was waiting to get settled, but things are delayed. I had planned to go straight to the foreigner’s shed but first I had to get my luggage, passport, etc., from the South A-13 room. The relatives gave the key and ordered that I stay in South A-13 only, until Swami tells them what to do with the room. Amma's son wants to ask Swami if I could have some accommodation (room) in the Ashram, but he will wait for Swami to bring up the subject of South A-13! (Ordinarily, when some resident dies, Swami contacts the office and tells them what should be done with the room). So I await, all packed and ready. The room is still filled with her luggage and memories.

Everyone pats me consolingly and says, “Poor thing – how much she did for Venkamma and how Venkamma was totally attached to her! Even a daughter wouldn’t do so much,” then they ask me where I'm staying! I can only say, “I don’t know!”

Swami is giving Darshan and interviews as usual, and coming to bhajan. So far, I have gotten good lines (#2 and #3, etc.) but He has not physically noticed me yet. Darshan and bhajan fill a lot of the day, and I do sadhana in the free time (when I used to work!). I am not talking to people – I am quiet and enjoying the free time and rest and sadhana.

Yes – naturally illness brings temper. It was good tapas for me! Swami does everything for the best. Yes – for Swami birth and death are natural and both lead to progression. There is no death actually – only birth on a different plane of existence! I have also been “born” into a new life.

Yes, closed hospital rooms are terrible. Everything is artificial and depressing. I never want to go in a hospital again! I’ve seen way too much. My conclusion is that modern medicine has gone way too far. To cure a disease is fine – but to prolong the life as a vegetable is absurd. Never mind – the Lord is in control – it is also a way to work off karma!

I will write a longer letter answering your letter in a few days; hopefully I will be settled soon. Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu.

Love,

Divya